


Tabloid Darling

by Wildething



Series: Tabloid Darling [1]
Category: Gravitation
Genre: Albeit a bittersweet one, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friendship, M/M, Unrequited Love Everywhere, older story added to archive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildething/pseuds/Wildething
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bad Luck breaks up and his relationship with Yuki is unable to bear the strain, Shuichi's life takes a turn for the self-destructive. Will he fade into a tabloid mainstay, or will he find inspiration and support where he least expected? SugXShu friendship fic (with YxShu endgame)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> posted to ffnet in 2008; I thought I'd post a few of my older stories here in case any new readers might find and hopefully enjoy them. :)

Shuichi sat up, a wave of nausea and dizziness causing him to lie back immediately. Squinting painfully against even the dim sunlight that threatened beyond the dark curtains of the room, he began the all too familiar ritual of trying to figure out just where the hell he was.

It was ironic really, he thought, more than a little disgusted with himself as he saw the complete stranger passed out beside him, that he lived more like a stereotypical rock star now that he really couldn’t claim to be one. Oh, he was still a celebrity, to go by the tabloids, an infamous train wreck followed by the morbidly curious in grocery store lines, but his failures were his claim to fame these days.

The stranger stirred, as Shuichi managed to find most of his clothes scattered throughout the dingy one room apartment, looking up at him blankly for a moment, his long, sloppy hair hanging in his eyes.

“Holy shit,” he mused, scratching at his goatee and staring at him. “I was so drunk I thought I’d just brought home some kid who was a dead ringer. But you’re the real thing, aren’t you?”

Shuichi said nothing, pulling his tee shirt over his head and then sitting on the floor to wrestle with the knee high black leather boot he hadn’t yet found the mate for.

“Holy shit,” he repeated, his head falling back on the pillow, then turning to look at him with a slightly leering grin. “I gotta say though, I totally remember the sex. Good God.”

Shuichi spotted his other boot just under the bed, and pushed a few stray bottles out of the way as he crawled over to retrieve it. He reluctantly looked up at the man as he reached under the bed frame as far as he could.

“I hope you don’t mind, consider it flattery or whatever, but to have an ass like yours on tap and give it up, that Yuki guy --” the man began with a laugh.

“Shut up,” Shuichi ground out between clenched teeth, as he finally got a grip on the boot. “You’ve got a good story for your friends, maybe even one to sell to the papers, but I don’t want to hear it, so just shut up.”

“Touchy little slut, aren’t ya?” the man said, shaking his head. “Jeez, I was just trying to let you know you’re still good at something. It’s not my fault you’re all washed up.”

Shuichi flinched, hunching his shoulders and stumbling out of the apartment, waiting until he got into the hallway to finish buckling his boots.

Forgoing a rather dubious looking elevator, he took the stairs down to the lobby, where the clock told him it was just past noon. The sunny street outside held just a bit more clarity than he would have liked, and thinking clearly always brought back things that he tried to avoid dwelling on.

“Hey Aki-san,” Shuichi muttered irritably at the man who was currently snapping his picture. He used to absently count the flashbulbs as he left the nightclubs, trying to keep his temper. The news that Shindou Shuichi’s life of drinking and partying had spiraled out of control must be getting stale. There only seemed to be one now. Aki was still flogging this dead horse for his income, and Shuichi had just given up caring, even going so far as to be civil to his professional stalker.

“Hey there, Shindou,” Aki said. “Late night?” Shuichi nodded, looking at the street signs and trying to figure out where the nearest train station was.

“Want to tell me where you’ll be tonight and save me some driving around?” Aki asked amiably. 

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Shuichi said with a shrug.

Shuichi realized to his amazement that he was only a few blocks from his own apartment, as he turned a corner where things were more familiar. A few people glanced at him curiously, seeing him being pursued by the cameraman, and Shuichi held his breath, hoping no one would recognize him or care if they did.

OoOoO

 

Shuichi stocked up on various junk foods, cheap wine and aspirin at the corner shop on the way home, the man behind the counter always friendly despite always seeing Shuichi looking worse for wear and in last night’s clubbing attire. 

“You do not eat good. You should get you a nice girl that cooks for you,” the man said with a broad smile as he rung up his purchases. Shuichi gave him a bland smile in return, his eyes drawn to the tabloid on the newsstand beside the counter.

Is Yuki Eiri’s latest novel of love and loss inspired by former lover? asked a small byline at the bottom corner of the page, beside a publicity still of Yuki taken for the inside of the book’s dust jacket. Shuichi rolled his eyes. All of Yuki’s books were about love and loss. They had run the same story for the last book Yuki had written since their break-up as well. He noticed that they didn’t even bother to use his name or Bad Luck’s to get attention anymore. 

There was a respectable music magazine beside it on the rack, picturing the familiar face of Fujisaki Suguru. He looked into the camera with an ironic smirk, pushing up the brim of the unmistakably symbolic purple fedora hat he wore. Brilliant producer Fujisaki Suguru speaks with us of the stumbling blocks to fame and on stepping out of his famous cousin’s shadow, read the headline. Well, at least one of us made it, Shuichi thought to himself. There was a blurb on Ryuichi’s latest film overseas as well, he noted, adding the magazine to his purchases.

“Oh, so you are a music fan, I see,” the man said, ringing up the magazine.

“Yeah, something like that,” Shuichi said, thanking the man and paying him.

He walked across the street and climbed the steps to his apartment, balancing the heavy, clinking shopping bag on his hip as he fished out his key.  
Inside, he sat the bag on a low table in front the futon that served as both sofa and bed, stripping down to his boxers and tee shirt before sitting on the floor between them. His cell phone laid nearby, charging at the wall outlet, and he reluctantly unplugged it to check his messages. He almost never took it with him when he went out anymore. 

There was one call from Maiko, and one from Hiro that he’d never gotten around to erasing that was nearly a month old. He played it again, listening to Hiro ask if he wanted to come out to Kyoto and see the house he and his wife Ayaka had moved into. He’d never returned the call.

He pulled out the contents of the bag and spread them on the table, unscrewing one of the wine bottles and pouring himself a drink in his favorite mug, which was still left out from yesterday, before opening the magazine he‘d bought.

Ryuichi’s new movie had wrapped, the article said, and there was already buzz about how well he’d done as a cynical anti-hero in the gritty, dystopian sci-fi thriller. Shuichi tried to wrap his head around the thought of Ryuichi playing such a role convincingly, when he saw that the article also mentioned that the former Nittle Grasper vocalist was returning to Tokyo to do promotional work. Well, that ruled out one of his comfort zones. Ryuichi tended to favor the clubs in Roppongi these days when he was back in town, and Shuichi didn’t want to run into him. The last time had been humiliating enough.

Shuichi had tried to avoid the corner of Gaspanic where Ryuichi was playing court to his mostly American entourage, when he’d been spotted and asked to join them. The party moved on to several other hotspots before winding down in Ryuichi’s suite in one of the nicest hotels in the city. Reiji and Ryuichi had fawned upon him, and it had been great. He’d truly felt like he were somebody again for a few hours. 

High on his newfound confidence and more than a few drinks, he’d been more than receptive to Ryuichi’s advances once the others had left. The evening had left him starry-eyed and hopeful in a way he had never felt with anyone else but Yuki, and he found himself awake long before Ryuichi in the morning, watching his lover sleep and wondering if XMR had any interest in drawing up another contract. He’d been scribbling the lyrics for the first song he’d written in over a year, when Ryuichi woke and looked at him a little sadly before telling him it was time for him to go back to America.

It could have been worse, Shuichi thought to himself, as he poured another drink, and flipped the page so quickly that he almost ripped it. He’d come very close to revealing his pathetically naive little daydream of following him back to Los Angeles, when he realized the sad look in Ryuichi’s eyes had been disappointment. He hadn’t lived up to the expectations of being the heir to Sakuma’s legacy. He’d blown it.

He looked at the large glossy photos of Suguru which framed his cover story, which were more shots from the front’s photo session. He looked a little older, of course, but his face had lost some the solemn edge that he remembered from the studious young keyboardist. He scanned the article, which talked about Suguru’s recent success in producing several of the hottest albums on the charts. He read more closely when he saw Bad Luck mentioned.

 

“CT: Do you miss the camaraderie of working with a band, like you did with the wildly successful Bad Luck?

FS: [laughs] Not really. I’ve always been a bit of a loner, I suppose. I certainly don’t miss touring. I enjoy working with new artists on their albums, don’t get me wrong, but being in a band is like a marriage, you know? There’s just too much drama, too much personal involvement.

CT: There has been a lot of speculation on what caused the group’s downfall after such a promising start. Was it Nakano Hiroshi’s early retirement and marriage? The breakup of Shindou Shuichi and Yuki Eiri? What is your take?

FS: See, that’s just the sort of thing I was talking about. All these personal things interfere with the music. I’ve avoided talking about Bad Luck’s break-up with the press, but since it’s been a few years, and the wounds aren’t as fresh, I’ll indulge you.

I never enjoyed working with Shindou. He was unreliable, and his mood in the studio was always dictated by whatever was going on with Yuki-san. It was very unprofessional, and the way everyone around us would coddle and indulge him used to infuriate me. But he is incredibly talented. That’s why I stuck around even when I wanted to get out of it. Well, that, and my cousin [Seguchi Tohma] had given me the job as a favor. [laughs]

But, I was really surprised with his behavior when they split up. In fact, I was even impressed. For the first time, Shindou really put on a brave face and came into the studio to work. I think that last album would have been our best, if things had happened differently after that.

CT: You mean Nakano leaving the band.

FS: Exactly. [nods] Honestly? I don’t like to speculate about the feelings of others as a rule, but -- Well, let’s just say that I think Hiroshi leaving hurt him [Shindou] more than whatever happened with him and Yuki-san. Because by that point the was just barely hanging on, you know? It was really like someone pulling the rug from under him. He just sort of wandered away, lost interest after that. He got back together with Yuki-san for a little while, and even that didn’t seem to help, and of course, they officially broke up shortly after that. The album got completed, so our contract was fulfilled, but it got shelved. His heart just wasn’t in it anymore.

CT: Have you kept in touch with either of them?

FS: No.

CT: The tabloids have been reporting for some time that Shindou has given himself over to a life of drinking and partying. Do you think he’s on a path to self-destruction?

FS: That’s really none of my business. [pauses] I hope not.”

 

Shuichi reread the interview, then closed the magazine. The phone rang, startling him. He plucked it up from the table and answered.

“Hey,” Yuki said.

“Yuki?” Shuichi whispered. His heart thudded heavily in his chest.

“Yeah, it’s me. Look, I -- I just wanted to know how you are,” Yuki said, his voice slightly slurred.

“You’re drunk,” Shuichi said. Yuki gave a joyless laugh and sighed.

“Yeah, I hear the same thing about you these days,” Yuki said.

“What do you care?” Shuichi asked.

“I don’t. Fuck you, then. Go drink yourself to death for all I care,” Yuki muttered, then added more softly, “Thought you were the strong one.”

“Well, I guess you were wrong,” Shuichi said, his head beginning to swim. Shuichi heard voices in the background on Yuki’s end.

“I’ve got to go. I just wanted to know how you’re doing, moron,” Yuki said, and hung up the phone.

Shuichi took a deep breath, and waited for the tears to come, but they didn’t. He just felt numb.


	2. 2

Roppongi was out for the evening because of Ryuichi. The area, where most of the bar and nightclub patrons were foreign, had been one Shuichi had liked for his relative anonymity. Bad Luck’s music had never caught on anywhere else like it had in Japan, and he rarely had to concern himself with recognition there. His other preferred option awaited then, Shinjuku Ni-Chome, the five block sprawl that harbored most of the Tokyo gay scene. 

When he’d rather self-consciously visited the area for the first time, he’d been surprised at how easily he’d been able to lose himself on the crowded dance floors and just enjoy himself. He was recognized, but rarely harassed, and those who did approach him usually did so rather casually. It felt liberating just to be there, and it didn’t hurt that he almost never had to pay for his own drinks as the evenings wore on.

He entered one of his favorite clubs, choosing to start at the bar before going out on the dance floor. The loud music pulsed around him as he made his way to an area separated by a Plexiglas barrier that muffled the noise to allow for conversation without blocking the view. Greeted by a few other regulars, he ordered his drink and scanned the crowd. He stopped dead at finding a familiar set of warm brown eyes locked on his. 

Fujisaki Suguru sat at a table nearby and gestured for him to join him.

“You’re not nearly as hard to track down as I’d been led to believe. A few questions in the right places, and here you are,” Suguru said, smiling pleasantly as Shuichi came over with his drink.

“You were looking for me?” Shuichi asked in wonder as he sat at the table. Suguru nodded.

“K volunteered to find your apartment and bring you to me, but I thought I’d make a more civilized approach,” Suguru said, his unwavering smile eerily resembling that of his mentor and cousin for a moment, making Shuichi uneasy until he heard a tone of sincerity in the young man’s voice. “After all, it’s been a while hasn’t it?”

“Why do you need to see me?” Shuichi asked. Suguru played with the umbrella in his drink before meeting his eyes intently.

“I have a proposal for you, and I really hope that you won’t turn it down,” Suguru said. Shuichi squirmed uncertainly on the barstool.

“What kind of proposal?” Shuichi asked, with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“I’d like for you to return to the studio. The band I’m currently working with has a new track that I think could be made really great if you’d agree to sing,” Suguru said.

“I -- I don’t know, Fujisaki-san,” Shuichi said uneasily. It had been years since Shuichi had set foot inside a studio. The very thought of it made him feel queasy.

“Suguru.”

“What?” Shuichi asked, distracted.

“We’re friends, right? You can use my name,” Suguru said, waving his hand dismissively. “To be honest, I have a pretty wide range of vocalists I could choose from on this project, but I want you. And you know what? They’re fans. They’re really excited about the idea of working with you.”

“What if I don’t have what it takes anymore, Suguru?” Shuichi asked.

“Then I’ll kick you out of my studio and get someone else,” Suguru said with a laugh. “Don’t be silly, Shuichi. I don’t have the time to waste on has-beens. I just don’t think you are one. Now where‘s that spastic enthusiasm and confidence I know you have?” Shuichi couldn’t help but smile.

“Why weren’t you this nice when we worked together?” Shuichi asked, shaking his head. Suguru shrugged, leaning closer.

“Because I’ve learned a secret in the past couple of years. Being nice and handing out compliments gets me my way a lot more easily than sulking,” Suguru said in a conspiratorial stage whisper.

“You might be right,” Shuichi said thoughtfully. “I’ll give it a try, okay? I can’t promise I’m going to be worth your time, though.”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” Suguru said. “Why don’t we get this started tomorrow before you can psych yourself out and change your mind, okay? I can send a car around for you.”

“Alright already,” Shuichi said, laughing. “Now I know what they meant when they said you were surpassing Seguchi-san. You not only manipulate people into doing what you want, you make them like you for it.”

“Thanks,” Suguru said with a broad grin, seemingly caught off guard for a moment, and coloring slightly, reminding Shuichi more of the quiet and slightly socially awkward boy who’d played in his band.

“So,” Shuichi said, feeling in strange way as if he were truly seeing his former band mate for the first time, instead of taking his presence in the background for granted, “Isn’t it a little risky for your reputation to been seen around here? I mean, I’m sure people recognize you.”

“Well, I get a lot less attention as a producer than I did as a musician,” Suguru said with a shrug, “But, honestly, you really don’t notice a lot outside of your little bubble do you?”

“What do you mean?” Shuichi asked, bristling slightly, if only because he suspected it were true. 

“I mean that if you ever read anyone’s press clippings besides your own, you’d know that I’ve been out for over a year now,” Suguru said, rolling his eyes.

“Hey, that’s not fair! I read an interview you gave just this afternoon!” Shuichi said, then paused, his eyes growing wide. “Wait -- you are?”

“Just ask my boyfriend,” Suguru said with a grin, looking embarrassed and pleased at the same time. “He’s the lead singer for Ganymede. Typical. You only read the parts of that interview that mentioned you, didn‘t you?” 

Shuichi grinned sheepishly.

OoOoO

 

It was a familiar shock, to possibly coin such a paradox, thought Shuichi when he woke the next morning to find his blearily blinking eyes focusing upon the barrel of a gun.

“Long time, no see, punk,” Claude K said in a manner that was, for him, almost sentimental. Or at least as sentimental as a man pointing a gun could sound. “I’m here to haul your lazy ass to the studio. The boss suggested that we might want to make a stop at rehab, but I’ve promised to scare you straight. You’re not going to make a liar out of me, are you?”

“No, sir,” Shuichi said, his eyes slightly crossed as he looked at the gun.

“Good to have you back, kid,” K said, allowing Shuichi to sit up and get ready to leave.

“So who are you managing these days?” Shuichi asked as K drove them.

“No one in particular at the moment,” K said, checking his rearview before changing lanes. “You could say that I’m helping to babysit the whole NG roster right now. Seguchi-san’s had me focusing on Ganymede and Sister Moon lately, since they both seem to be on their way up. Sister Moon are the ones I’m delivering you to right now for Suguru.”

“Oh, really?” Shuichi asked. “I’ve heard some of their stuff at the clubs. They’re pretty good.” Shuichi remembered seeing a video of the pretty girl duo, pleased that he would be collaborating with a group he was at least somewhat acquainted with.

“Hara-san’s practically coming unhinged waiting for you to get there,” K said. “She’s not the only one, either. Expect a packed studio.”

“They’re excited to see me?” Shuichi asked with surprise. K smiled.

“Of course they are. Do you think you’d have managed to be living off your royalties for two years now if people weren’t still buying Bad Luck cds? You were still on top when you bowed out, kid. Good move. Leaves them wanting more,” K said.

Shuichi peered up nervously at the looming NG building as they grew near. He thought he’d truly left the place for good that last time, when he’d taken a cab to his childhood home to crash until he got things sorted. Memories that were both exhilarating and heartbreaking flooded his mind at the sight of the shining glass façade of Seguchi Tohma’s fortress.

He looked around quietly as K led him from the parking garage through a hallway that gave confirmation that life had indeed gone on without him, various gold records from fresher stars lining the walls alongside those of Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper. As they reached the second floor, Shuichi’s thoughts were scattered by an unearthly shriek as he exited the elevator. 

“He’s here! He’s really here! Kimi, get your butt out here! It’s Shuichi!” Hara Aika, lead vocalist for Sister Moon called, her dogears bouncing as she clapped for joy. 

“Well, she certainly has vocal range,” Shuichi said, with an embarrassed grin to K, sticking a pinky in his ringing ear.

A second girl stepped into the hallway, raising an eyebrow at her friend before giving them a timid wave, and trying to smooth her shaggy black bob with her other hand.

“It’s an honor to meet you, Shindou-san,” the girls said in near perfect unison, bowing. 

“Hey, guys, no need for that now,” Shuichi said, waving his hand awkwardly as they raised up. “I’m pretty excited to meet you guys, too. Just call me Shuichi, okay?”

“He said we can call him Shuichi!” Aika said, skipping ahead of them into the studio. “Call me Aika!”

“Kimi,” the other girl said quietly, following Aika.

Shuichi was already feeling a bit overwhelmed as he walked into the room, finding Suguru, two members of Ganymede, and one more face he recognized inside.

“Sakano-san!” Shuichi said cheerfully. Bad Luck’s former producer bowed low before him.

“Shindou-san! I am most pleased that our president’s great protégé Fujisaki-san has chosen in his infinite wisdom to bring you back on board!” Sakano said. “I only regret that as the producer of Ganymede that I will not be able to work with you directly.”

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Shuichi said with amusement upon seeing that the man had not changed a bit.

“Sorry to bombard you with so much on your first day back, Shuichi, but everyone wanted to see you,” Suguru said, and gestured to the other two men, blushing slightly as his eyes met those of the taller of the two. “This is Ashia Raiden, vocalist, and Joshuya Eiji, guitarist, from the group Ganymede.”

Ashia’s height was slightly intimidating, even reaching above that of K’s. 

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Ashia said, his deep voice somewhat accented, shaking his hand. “I love your music.” Shuichi stared up at the towering man with awe, taking in his shock of long black hair streaked with red and light colored eyes.

“Thank you,” Shuichi said. “I went out and got your first album after I’d met with Suguru yesterday. It’s really good.”

“That means a lot to us, coming from you,” the other man, whose black hair was wildly spiked in all directions and streaked with blue said, stepping forward and looking Shuichi up and down like he wanted to devour him. “I sincerely hope that you’ll agree to collaborate with us as well sometime.”

“You never know, right?” Shuichi asked uneasily, backing away slightly.

“Well, it’s back to your own studio, then. We have work to do,” Suguru said, playfully shooing them towards the door. Ashia stooped down to steal a quick kiss before leaving, and Suguru turned back to them looking flushed.

“Sorry about Eiji,” Suguru said. “You know how Yuki-san’s kid brother has that little crush on Sakuma-san?”

“Little crush? Don’t you mean full-blown scary obsession that makes me look like a casual fan?” Shuichi asked, his eyes wide.

“Um, yeah,” Suguru said. “That’s kind of like how Eiji is for you. But don’t worry, I made him promise to leave you alone if I introduced him, and gave him the glass you drink out of. It’s no big deal.”

“Right,” Shuichi said, laughing nervously.

Shuichi listened to Suguru’s arrangement of the Sister Moon track they were to work on, as always impressed by the younger man’s skill at making the most complicated of arrangements sound simple and irresistibly catchy. The girls hovered around them in nervous excitement, and Shuichi watched them with a feeling of wistfulness, their dynamic of contrasting hyper enthusiasm countered with calm rationalization reminding him painfully of his with Hiro. The void his guitarist and best friend had left in his life was still tender, and he was already forming plans in his mind to go get good and drunk in Ni-Chome that night, when Suguru presented him with the lyric sheet and he and Aika worked out his harmonization. None of this felt right without Hiro here, he thought.

“Why so glum? You made a really great song in there,” Suguru said as he drove him home. Shuichi shrugged, looking out of the window. He’d been excited at the beginning of the day, glad to find that his music was still being enjoyed and that he wasn’t as forgotten as he’d thought, but in the end it all felt hollow.

“I know it’s just one track,” Suguru said, seeming to read his thoughts. “But it’s a good one. And since it’s a single, you can do some performances with the girls when they promote it, if you wish to.”

“Thank you, Suguru. Thanks for everything, I mean it,” Shuichi said, glancing at him. “If it will help you out, I’ll be happy to perform. Just let me know.”

“Thank you, Shuichi. I know this hasn’t been easy for you,” Suguru said. Shuichi sighed.

“I miss him, that’s all,” Shuichi said, watching the traffic go by. 

“Yeah, me too,” Suguru said, so quietly it was almost a whisper. Shuichi looked at him curiously. Suguru gave him a sidelong glance, and broke into bitter laughter.

“You had no idea, did you?” Suguru asked, shaking his head. “God, I know you were self-absorbed, but -- I thought he might have at least told you. Maybe he didn’t think it was worth mentioning.”

“What are you talking about?” Shuichi asked.

“Hiroshi and I. We were lovers,” Suguru said, pulling up to the sidewalk beside Shuichi’s apartment and killing the engine. Shuichi stared at him in stunned silence.

“It was -- let me see -- around the time we were recording our second album?” Suguru asked himself, closing his eyes for a moment. “That was probably when things were most secure between you and Yuki-san. Maybe that and working on the album was what had you so oblivious, I don’t know. We didn‘t exactly make a public announcement about it.”

“I had no idea. I’m sorry,” Shuichi said. “I never thought his leaving the group affected anyone but me. And then he married Ayaka -- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Suguru said, forcing a smile. “I have Raiden now. What did you think of him?”

“He’s -- well, he’s a big guy,” Shuichi said. Suguru laughed.

“He’d love to hear you say that. He’s so bony from being that tall,” Suguru said with a fond smile. “I should probably be getting home to him now, actually.”

“Of course,” Shuichi said, opening the car door.

“Hey Shuichi,” Suguru called to him when he got out.

“Yes?” Shuichi asked.

“Do you still write songs?” Suguru asked.

Shuichi shook his head, giving him a sad smile as he turned to go back into the building.

As Suguru pulled away, Aki stepped forward, snapping pictures. Shuichi was in no mood for the photographer’s antics, his mind still buzzing with the information Suguru had shared. He tried to step by him, when Aki called out to him.

“Hey Shindou! Tell me why you were at NG with Fujisaki Suguru all day, and I’ll let you in on something you’ll really want to know about tomorrow’s paper,” Aki said. Shuichi froze, turning slowly to face the other man with a feeling of dread.

“I did a duet with Hara Aika for the new Sister Moon album,” Shuichi said with resignation, as Aki hurriedly scribbled it down on his notepad.

“That makes this crappy timing then, kid,” Aki said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but that guy you stayed with the other night has decided to sell his story.” Shuichi winced, remembering the words he had said to the guy, never imagining he would take it literally.


	3. Chapter 3

Shuichi went to the clubs like he’d planned. There was really nothing else for him to do. He had even more to avoid thinking about than usual, and there was no way he was going to sit around that nearly empty apartment and wait for the press to arrive at his doorstep. So he did the things he always did, danced and drank until it went away, trying not to wonder where he was going to sleep tonight. The answer to that would be obvious, he thought, as the man he danced with pulled him close, grinding against him, but that was exactly how he’d gotten into this mess, wasn’t it?

Around three, when all the clubs were closing down, he was gently escorted out of the door by a man in a red dress and a wig who asked if he had anyone to take him home. He shook his head and stumbled away, heading in the direction of the park.

He remembered somehow crossing the road without being hit, a driver honking and yelling angrily. He remembered sitting on a park bench, looking desolately at the cell phone he’d actually decided to take this time and willing it to ring with anyone who might come and rescue him. He remembered vaguely wondering if Yuki’s call the other day meant he were welcome to call back, then recalled the voice he’d heard in the background and thought better of it. That was the last thing he remembered, before being softly shaken awake, the sounds of crows cawing all around him.

“Yuki?” he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

“Sorry, Shuichi, it’s just me,” Suguru said.

“How --?” Shuichi asked, his head spinning as he sat up.

“I’m good at finding people,” Suguru said, sitting beside him.

“But why --?” Shuichi asked, cradling his head in his hands.

“I came after I read the paper this morning. The reporters outside your building said they hadn’t seen you come home,” Suguru said.

“Guess they’ll be there for a while, won’t they?” Shuichi asked dully.

“Probably so. That’s why you’re coming home with me,” Suguru said, standing and offering his hand. “Come on, Shuichi, let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Shuichi took his hand, allowing himself to be led to the street, feeling too numb and disoriented to do anything else.

OoOoO

 

Shuichi emerged from a warm bath to find a pair of silk pajamas laid out for him that were obviously Suguru’s. The pants were a little short, but they otherwise fit fine, and he made his way out into the unfamiliar apartment, following the sound of the television until he found Suguru sitting in the front room. It was simple and elegant, in muted shades of gray and lavender, a baby grand piano taking much of the floor space before a wall to ceiling window with a great view of the city, reminding him somewhat of Seguchi’s office in the NG building.

“I made tea,” Suguru said, nodding at the set on the coffee table, where an extra cup sat waiting. Shuichi smiled gratefully, pouring himself some before sitting beside him.

“Where’s Ashia-san?” Shuichi asked.

“He’s at the studio. Sister Moon are doing some promotional gigs for a couple of days, so I decided to stay in,” Suguru said. Shuichi fidgeted guiltily in the silence that came between them before speaking.

“Suguru? Why are you doing all this for me?” Shuichi asked. Suguru sighed, placing his cup on an end table.

“It’s funny. I used to hate you, you know?” Suguru asked. Shuichi nodded, frowning.

“I was self-absorbed. I know, you told me,” Shuichi said. “I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel shut out or anything. I wish we’d talked about it back then. Maybe if I’d realized how you felt, it would have been different. I mean, I know I should have already been considering how you felt, but I’m slow like that. Bad Luck wouldn‘t have been anywhere near as good without you. I should have told you that I knew that.”

“It wasn’t that exactly. I mean, that part did annoy me,” Suguru said with a laugh, “but it was more a problem I had myself than one you did. I realize that now, and I guess that’s why I’m at peace with it.”

“A problem you had?” Shuichi asked.

“I resented you,” Suguru said with a shrug. “I felt like you had everything I longed for and you didn’t even want it.”

“What did I have that you wanted and I didn‘t?” Shuichi asked with a puzzled look. “I don’t get it.”

“No, you never did. To me it was always obvious, but even now, you have no idea, do you? It was silly for me to even blame you when you didn‘t know,” Suguru asked sadly.

“What are we talking about Suguru?” Shuichi asked in exasperation.

“Hiroshi,” Suguru said softly. “He was so in love with you, Shuichi. I thought I could make him get over you, but I really should have known better.” 

Shuichi’s entire world seemed to drop out from under him at that moment. He sat the tea aside, as his hands began to tremble, and longed for something stronger. He stood, pacing the room.

“That’s -- well, that’s just ridiculous. Hiro and I have been best friends since we were kids. Sure, we’re -- well, we were really close, but Hiro wasn’t ever in love with me. That’s crazy! He never said anything! He married Ayaka!” Shuichi rambled, gesturing with his hands as he spoke.

“Calm down, Shuichi, please,” Suguru pleaded. Shuichi sat beside him, chewing his lip and staring off blankly for a moment.

“I need to call him. We need to talk about this,” Shuichi said, making to get up, before Suguru grabbed his arm.

“Shuichi, don’t be selfish. What good could possibly come of such a conversation, especially when you’re upset? Think about it,” Suguru said.

Shuichi deflated instantly, sinking back against the sofa cushions with a shaky breath.

“Did Hiro tell you he felt that way, or did you just think he did? Maybe there’s some kind of misunderstanding,” Shuichi said. “None of this makes sense.”

“I only brought it up twice, when we were together,” Suguru said, staring at his lap, where his hands were folded. “Once, after the first time he kissed me. I wanted to make sure that he wasn’t trying to use me in your place. He acted like he’d never heard anything so absurd in all his life, and he almost had me convinced that I’d been wrong. I wanted to be wrong, so I let it go.

Then -- then he just tells me one day that he’s leaving the group and marrying Ayaka. You remember how abrupt it was. We took that week break where he went to visit his parents because his mom was sick, and that was it. We got into a big fight, and I asked him why he was able to defy his parents for your sake, but not mine. I shouldn’t have asked that. I knew it was because his mother was ill and he wanted to make her happy,” Suguru sighed heavily. “Anyway, That was when he finally admitted the truth. He said it was different then because he was so in love with you that it didn’t seem like anything else mattered, and that since it hadn’t worked out and he’d lost you anyway, that he might as well make his mother happy while he still had a chance. He didn’t act as if I had even been a consideration in the decision.”

“He never said anything. Not even once, in all those years,” Shuichi said, chewing his thumbnail and wondering if Suguru kept anything to drink in the place. “He knew me well enough to know I wasn’t going to figure it out on my own, so why?”

“Maybe he was waiting for a sign you liked men, too,” Suguru said and shrugged. “And that sign was Yuki-san. Tell me, would you have given up Yuki-san for him if you had known?”

“Probably not,” Shuichi admitted. The unspoken question of what he would have done had he known before he met Yuki crept into Shuichi’s mind, only to be quickly pushed aside. Things were complicated enough already.

“So, see, then he would have just made things awkward for no reason, so what difference does it make?” Suguru asked, his usually calm voice at last betraying some of the hurt he felt. Shuichi looked at him, feeling a pang of guilt.

“It wasn’t fair the way he treated you. I’m sorry, Suguru,” Shuichi said.

“It’s in the past. I just hope he’s happy now,“ Suguru said, and stood. “Hey, it‘s almost lunchtime. Raiden will probably stop in to eat, so you want to help me in the kitchen?”

“I don’t know if you’ll call it help, but I’ll try,” Shuichi said. They each forced a smile.

OoOoO

 

Shuichi tried not to stare at the lanky giant who sat across from him at the narrow table, taking long pulls off his bottle of dark beer and recounting his day to Suguru, occasionally breaking into bellowing laughter at the end of his anecdotes. They made an odd pair, Shuichi thought, Ashia’s enormous presence, both physically and personality-wise, making the already small and mild mannered Suguru seem positively tiny by comparison. There was something about it that Shuichi didn’t quite like.

“Eiji was practically climbing the walls today when he found out who our houseguest is,” Ashia said, winking at Shuichi. “There was no way I was inviting him over. He’d start by humping your leg and end by stealing the covers from the guest bedroom.”

“Raiden, you’re going to freak him out,” Suguru scolded, smiling nonetheless behind his hand.

“Eiji sure freaks me out most of the time,” Ashia said, shrugging. “He has a shrine to you in his bathroom.”

“In the bathroom?” Shuichi asked, nearly choking on a bite of food.

“Yeah, told you he was weird. I actually toyed with the idea of telling him I was running home to have a threesome with the two of you just to mess with him, but I’m not entirely sure he wouldn’t have killed me,” Ashia said chuckling loudly. When he saw the other two weren’t laughing, he gave a defensive snort, crossing his arms.

“What? It’s not that far fetched. After reading about that guy in the papers today, he’s discovered his beloved has a kinky side. And he already knows I’ve got one,” Ashia said, waggling his eyebrows at Suguru, who was giving him a tight lipped frown.

“Raiden, that’s not funny,” Suguru said.

“You never think anything’s funny,” Ashia grumbled. “Go get me another beer, okay, cutie? I should have time for another before I head back.”

Suguru glared at him, but got up to go to the kitchen, Ashia swatting him on the behind as he went.

“Come on, you know I was just messing with you, right?” Ashia said, leaning across the table after Suguru left. “No hard feelings?”

“It’s fine,” Shuichi said. He felt dirty and tired, and the last thing he wanted to do right now was start an argument with Suguru’s boyfriend.

“That loser was lucky a sexy little thing like you ever gave him the time of day, right? It’ll blow over,” Ashia said, his breath reeking of stale beer. “Besides, another taint to that air of unavailability might even be good for your image, like when everyone found out you were doing that writer. Sex sells, after all.” 

“I’m not even that worried about my image any more. I just want the press to leave me alone,” Shuichi said softly, picking at the food he’d lost all appetite for.

“Wouldn’t you like to make a come-back, Shuichi?” Suguru asked with a look of concern as he returned and handed Ashia his beer. “You love making music. I know you do. Didn’t being in the studio make you miss it?”

“It’s not a matter of wanting to so much as being able to,” Shuichi said, and stood, gathering their plates. “I’m going to clean up.”

Shuichi heard Ashia coaxing Suguru back from where he’d started to join him, as he scraped what was left of his lunch into the waste bin. He’d gathered the cookware they’d used and placed them in the sink with the plates, when he felt his phone vibrating against his hip.

“Hey,” Yuki said, after Shuichi answered. “I’m almost surprised you answered.”

“There aren’t a lot of people who have this number, thankfully,” Shuichi said. “I take it you saw it then.”

“Yeah. I was just wondering if you were stuck hiding from the reporters. I can ask Seguchi to get them off your back if you want,” Yuki said.

“I don’t understand you, Yuki,” Shuichi said with a sigh. “But that’s sweet of you, really.”

“So do you want me to or not?” Yuki asked irritably.

“No, it’s okay. I’m at Suguru’s. He came and got me this morning. I’m sure it’ll blow over pretty quick. I’m not big news like I used to be,” Shuichi said.

“Tohma brought me a tape of you singing with those girls,” Yuki said. “It didn’t entirely suck.” Shuichi laughed.

“That’s the first nice thing you’ve ever said about my music. It figures it would be about a song I didn’t write,” Shuichi said, running the tap.

“What the hell are you doing?” Yuki asked.

“Washing dishes. We just had lunch,” Shuichi said.

“How cozy,” Yuki muttered. “You never washed dishes when I cooked for you.”

“You never let me! You always told me to get out of your way before I broke something,” Shuichi said, smiling to himself.

“You could have insisted,” Yuki said. “So, are you working on anything else? It sounds like Seguchi’s little protégé’s pretty interested in you these days. Isn’t he some sort of big shot now?”

“He mentioned doing some gigs with Sister Moon to promote the single, but I’m not so sure, especially now,” Shuichi said.

“What, so you’re going to give up now because of some lying asshole?” Yuki asked. “Doesn’t sound like you.”

“He wasn’t lying. I slept with him,” Shuichi said with a sigh, letting the plate he was washing slip beneath the soapy water. “He’s not the first guy I’ve gone home with after getting too drunk, Yuki. He’s just the first one to decide to make some money off of it. Most of that stuff the tabloids have said about me? It’s true. I’m a total fuck up, Yuki.” 

Yuki was quiet for a moment. Shuichi heard him breathe in deeply, then out, picturing him taking a drag from his cigarette. He pulled the stopper out of the drain, and went to the refrigerator, glancing through the doorway at Suguru and Ashia before getting himself a beer.

“Doesn’t matter,” Yuki said at last. “None of that shit matters, really. Even Seguchi never managed to gag all the women I used to see. You just have to act like it doesn’t bother you when they bring it up.”

“Okay, Yuki,” Shuichi said, only barely listening, and wishing things were so simple. 

“Damn it, Shuichi,” Yuki said, exhaling noisily. “Why are you doing this to yourself? You were supposed to be happier.”

“Oh, so that was your plan?” Shuichi asked bitterly. “Tell me you’re sick of my moping, and kick my ass out on the street for my own good, huh?”

“You weren’t happy, even when we got back together,” Yuki said.

“Well, excuse me for not turning cartwheels! My best friend had just walked out on the band, ever think that might have had something to do with it? Of course I was depressed,” Shuichi said, slamming the bottle down on the counter and rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Face it, Yuki. You just didn’t want to deal with it, because you didn‘t know how to. I get that, okay? Look, I love you, and I forgive you, and thank you for calling, but I just -- I need to go, okay?”

Shuichi hung up the phone and pressed his back to the counter, sliding down until he reached the floor. He looked up to see Suguru standing in the doorway.

“Yuki called,” Shuichi said.

“I heard,” Suguru said with a sigh. He walked over to the counter, picking up the empty beer bottle.

“Sorry. I’ll go out and buy Ashia more tomorrow,” Shuichi said. Suguru put it back and went to the refrigerator, handing Shuichi a full bottle.

“He drinks too much, anyway,” Suguru said. “Come to think of it, so do you. But I’ll let it slide tonight.”

“Thanks,” Shuichi said. 

“I don’t know how you drink the stuff, to tell the truth,” Suguru said, wrinkling his nose. “But I do know two things. If I’m going to drink with you, I’m making margaritas. And we’re not going to drink sitting on the kitchen floor.”

“Fair enough,” Shuichi said, taking Suguru’s offered hand with a smile, and allowing him to pull him up from the floor. “Can I have one, too? I don’t like beer much either. It was just there.”

“Sure. I’m a lightweight anyway, so it’ll be good to share,” Suguru said, opening the freezer. “The tequila is in the cabinet behind you.”

Shuichi opened the cabinet, finding a pair of handcuffs sitting on the lowest shelf, and holding them up, one eyebrow raised. Suguru turned red.

“Those are Raiden’s. He has such a weird sense of humor,” Suguru muttered, rolling his eyes. “If you find anything else weird, don’t ask.”

“So, how did the two of you get together?” Shuichi asked, grabbing the tequila, and putting the handcuffs back.

“Well, I produced their first album, and we were in the studio a lot,” Suguru said, taking the bottle from Shuichi. “We absolutely couldn’t stand each other. He would second guess every little change I made, question or flat out ignore every suggestion -- I wanted to quit and push them off on Sakano, but Tohma wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t deny that I found him attractive though. He had this way of pushing my buttons, I guess.”

“So what happened?” Shuichi asked. Suguru gave an embarrassed smile, before turning away to retrieve a large glass pitcher.

“Well, things kind of came to a head, I suppose. We were yelling at each other, and Eiji stormed off, and the next thing I knew we were kind of making out. I don’t even remember who started it,” Suguru said. “It was really funny though. We somehow ended up on the mixing table, and the arrangement I’d made of the song we were arguing about starting playing. He stopped and starting laughing about half-way through it, and I asked him what his problem was. He admitted that after giving it a try, he liked my version better anyway.” Shuichi laughed.

“That sounds like something that would happen to us,” Shuichi said, then awkwardly added, “Without the, um, making out part, of course.”

“Yeah, you used to give me hell over my arrangements, too,” Suguru said with a frown.

“And then end up eating crow every single time,” Shuichi added with a shrug. “It used to drive me nuts how I’d think I’d come up with something I thought sounded perfect, and then you’d just waltz in and make it sound better in like, five minutes.”

“Oh, so that’s why you were always so pissy,” Suguru said teasingly, giving the mixture in the pitcher one last stir. “I think we’re done. Want to be the guinea pig?” Shuichi accepted the glass Suguru poured for him.

“Good enough for me,” Shuichi said.

They carried everything into the living room, settling in on the sofa.

“I was hoping I could be a good influence on you, and here you are getting me drunk in the middle of the freaking day,” Suguru said, shaking his head. “We should be able to go get your stuff without being mobbed tomorrow. I set up a good publicist for you while you were asleep, someone who’s worked for NG for a while. He’ll give them some sort of statement, and get them off your trail.”

“Wait, what?” Shuichi asked. “Go get my stuff? I should be able to just back to my place then, right?” Suguru shook his head.

“I think you should move in here until you get cleaned up, don’t you?” Suguru asked with a polite smile. Shuichi gaped at him.

“You’re crazy. You can’t just keep me, like I’m a stray cat or something!” Shuichi said in disbelief. “Besides, what’s Ashia-san going to say?”

“Stray cats have better survival skills,” Suguru said with a smirk. “And Raiden has no say in the matter. This is my apartment, he just squats here when he feels like it.”

“But there’s nothing to clean up, really,” Shuichi said, fidgeting. “I mean, I go clubbing because things are just kind of empty for me right now, I guess. It’s not like I’m on drugs or anything.”

“Let’s see, you aren’t working, there’s no new music, and you’re getting drunk enough to pass out on park benches or sleep with total strangers on a daily basis. You’re so thin I can see your ribs, and I wouldn’t put a dog I liked in that place you’re staying. Sounds like a mess to me,” Suguru said. “You can’t live off our royalties forever, Shuichi.”

“You never mince words, do you?” Shuichi asked with a frown. “You don’t have time to babysit me, anyway. It’s going to get old really fast. I’ll just disappoint you, like everyone else.”

“But you’ll stay, right?” Suguru asked. Shuichi looked at him for a long moment, wondering if the younger man was lonely to be taking on such a hopeless cause as himself.

“I guess I could stay for a little while, since my lease is nearly up,” Shuichi said. “If that’s what you really want.”

“Good,” Suguru said with a smile. “You can start the day after tomorrow.”

“Start what now?” Shuichi asked blankly, wondering if he’d missed something.

“You’re my new assistant. That is, until you feel like you want to start singing again. You didn’t think I was going to let you sit around here feeling sorry for yourself, did you?” Suguru asked, clinking his glass against Shuichi‘s.


	4. Chapter 4

“Are you going to sleep all day? You’ve already missed a good breakfast,” Shuichi heard Suguru say as he blearily blinked awake.

“Don’t mention food,” Shuichi groaned. “What time is it?”

“Ten-thirty,” Suguru said. Shuichi groaned again, peeking at Suguru with one blood-shot eye and noting with irritation that he looked fresh as a daisy despite having helped him drink three pitchers of margaritas the night before.

“At least let me sleep another hour, you sadist,” Shuichi said, muffled by the pillow he’d pulled over his face. Suguru sighed.

“I brought you a special tea that’s supposed to be good for hangovers. Raiden swears by it,” Suguru said. Shuichi peered curiously at the steaming cup Suguru had placed on the nightstand, along with two painkillers and a bottle of water.

“Sip it slowly and you should start to feel better,” Suguru said as he started to leave the room. “I washed your clothes from yesterday and put them in the bathroom.”

“Thanks,” Shuichi croaked weakly, reluctantly sitting up.

 

Shuichi did feel considerably better by the time he’d showered, whether from the tea or painkillers, he wasn’t sure, and he felt a pang of both guilt and gratitude. He heard music as he left the bedroom, and followed the sound to the front room, where he found Suguru at the piano. The song he played was lively, and definitely rock and roll, but it was different than the music they had played together. Shuichi smiled at how animated he looked as he pounded out the notes.

“Oh, hey,” Suguru said with a smile as he saw him, and the music abruptly stopped.

“That was really cool!” Shuichi exclaimed.

“Oh, thanks,” Suguru said, blushing slightly. “That’s the kind of thing I used to play when my parents weren’t listening and I was supposed to be practicing Chopin or something. Tohma caught me at it one day, and told me that he used to do the same thing when he was a kid. I think that’s why he first took a liking to me.”

“Wait -- I was thinking that what you were playing was a lot different than our music, but now that I think about it, you did have that one piano solo on Easy Action that was kind of in that style,” Shuichi said.

“You remember,” Suguru said, looking pleased. “That’s so cool that you made that connection, because that was totally what I was going for.”

“So, do you still play on other people’s stuff?” Shuichi asked. Suguru shook his head.

“No, I’m content just to produce, really. I work on the arrangements, but it’s up to them to play them when it’s time to record,” Suguru said.

Ashia wandered in from the kitchen, wearing only his boxers and drinking orange juice from the carton. Shuichi stared at the floor, unsure where else to look.

“So, did you guys have fun last night?” Ashia asked. “You both looked so cute passed out on the couch when I came in I should have took a picture. I’ll bet the papers would have paid me a fortune for that.”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Suguru said. “Can’t you put some clothes on when we have company?”

“Nothing he hasn’t seen before, I’m sure,” Ashia said, striding over to Suguru and kissing him on the forehead. “I need to get ready to go to the studio anyway.”

“So, are you ready to go get your stuff? We can get some take-out for lunch on the way back,” Suguru said, sliding off of the piano bench.

“Sure, that would be fine. I would kind of like to change,” Shuichi said with a grin, gesturing to the outfit he’d worn clubbing when Suguru picked him up. Suguru looked him up and down with an unreadable expression, before crossing the room to get his shoes.

“I don’t even know how you walk in these boots, much less dance,” Suguru said, handing Shuichi the footwear from the rack beside the door.

 

“When was the last time you saw Yuki-san?” Suguru asked as he drove them to the apartment.

“Well, we don’t exactly move in the same social circles, so I haven’t seen him since we broke up,” Shuichi said.

“I thought I should warn you that it isn’t entirely unlikely that you might run into him at NG. He does occasionally stop by to see Tohma,” Suguru said.

“Yeah, I should have figured as much,” Shuichi said softly. “It’s okay. I was bound to run into him sooner or later.”

Suguru was quiet for a long moment, then sighed and shook his head. Shuichi watched him, then laughed.

“It’s okay if you want to ask, you know. People who don’t even know me seem to feel entitled to ask me personal questions, so I see no reason why my friends shouldn’t,” Shuichi said. Suguru breathed out deeply like he had been holding his breath.

“I just don’t get it,” Suguru said at last.

“Get what exactly?” Shuichi asked.

“You and Yuki-san. You’re both still in love, right? So why haven’t you been trying to work something out all of this time?” Suguru asked.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” Shuichi said quietly, looking out the window. “I know that sounds pretty cliché, but it’s true. Yuki -- he -- well, he has problems. It takes a very specific kind of person to handle him sometimes, someone who has enough focus outside of him to not let themselves be dragged under along with him when he has his bad days, you know? It worked for a long time, but I guess I’ve just changed too much.

He told me he didn’t need me anymore, but what he was really saying was that he didn’t need who I had become.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that,” Suguru said, giving him a sidelong glance, as Shuichi wiped away a tear. Shuichi sighed, then smiled at him.

“No, it’s okay,” Shuichi said. “You know, that’s the first time I’ve been able to cry even a little bit in months? It’s kind of nice to have someone to talk to.”

“Same here,” Suguru said, looking pleased.

“What about Ashia-san?” Shuichi asked.

“Raiden talks a lot, but he very rarely says anything,” Suguru said with a smirk, as they reached a stop outside of the apartment building.

Shuichi groaned as he and Suguru reached the sidewalk, a flashbulb nearly blinding him.

“Damn it, Aki. Why are you still here?” Shuichi muttered, as the man backed down the walkway before them, snapping more pictures.

“You didn’t think I’d fall for that false lead, did you? I’ve got an exclusive with those suckers out of the way,” Aki said with a grin. “They’re all on their way to some hotel across town. So, is it true that you’re staying with Fujisaki-san now? Hey, Fujisaki-san! Are you guys thinking of reforming Bad Luck?”

They brushed past him, Shuichi leading the way into the lobby and giving Suguru a worried glance. Suguru had his cell phone open, dialing a number.

“K? We have a press clean up at Shuichi’s. Just one. Thanks,” Suguru said after a few seconds, holding the phone to his ear. He snapped it closed with a reassuring smile.

Shuichi led Suguru into his apartment, feeling self-conscious. The place appeared even worse than usual after staying at the home of the successful producer, and he winced at all the empty bottles and fast food cartons lying around on every available surface, imagining how it must look to an outsider.

“Sorry about the mess,” Shuichi said, moving a stack of magazines out of the way, so that Suguru could sit on the futon. 

Shuichi rummaged around in the corner of the small, hopelessly cluttered room, unearthing a large cardboard box Maiko had used to bring him groceries in almost a month ago. They’d argued about his living conditions during that visit, and though she still called to check on him, she hadn’t been back since. Most of the groceries were still in the kitchen, going to waste, he realized, shuddering at the thought of the horrors that must be lurking in his refrigerator. It suddenly made him feel rather sad and ashamed.

“Shuichi?” Suguru asked, making him realize that he hadn’t been listening.

“What was that? I’m sorry,” Shuichi said.

“I asked if you needed any help,” Suguru said. 

“Um, I have one box of cds and stuff you can help me move down the stairs, but I’m good for now,” Shuichi said. He gave up trying to make sense of the pile of clothes, and just grabbed an armful, dumping it into the box. He heard the thunk and clink off at least one bottle of something, and glanced back, hoping Suguru hadn’t noticed.

“I’ll be right back,” Shuichi said, grabbing his messenger bag and heading toward the bathroom to get his toothbrush and other toiletries. It was pathetic how little he had to pack, he thought to himself. He didn’t stay in one place long, and he just tended to lose things along the way, one way or the other. He’d learned his lesson about bringing lovers home nearly a year ago, when he’d awoke to find he’d been robbed. He didn’t miss most of the stuff that much, just sentimental bits of memorabilia from when he’d been somebody, but it still bothered him that they’d taken the ring Yuki had given him after their first year together. He wondered if Yuki still had the one that matched it, as he wandered back into the front room.

“This is beautiful,” Suguru said, looking up from a scrap piece of hotel stationary he held. Shuichi felt a knot in his stomach as he recognized the paper where he’d scribbled his last song while sitting in bed next to Sakuma Ryuichi.

“It’s garbage,” Shuichi muttered, throwing his bag on top of the box of clothes and lifting it from the floor.

“Are you kidding me? Shuichi, this is anything but garbage,” Suguru said, shaking his head. “What else do you have lying around?”

“Nothing. That’s it, and I hate that song, so can we just drop it?” Shuichi asked softly.

“Sure,” Suguru said dejectedly.

The door flew open, startling them both, as K strutted into the room, holstering his weapon.

“I sent our little friend from the press running,” K said, jerking a torn and unraveled roll of film from his pocket and presenting it to Suguru. “He had a present for you.”

“Very good. Thank you so much,” Suguru said with a smile. “If it’s no problem, could you arrange to have the rest of Shuichi’s things moved to one of my spare rooms?”

“But I still have two months on the lease!” Shuichi protested. “Just how long are you planning to keep me?”

“However long it takes,” Suguru said with a shrug. “I’m not keeping you prisoner. I’m just sure you’ll be able to afford something nicer and closer to work with what I’m paying you.”

Suguru hoisted up the other box and proceeded out of the open door before Shuichi could question him any further.

OoOoO

 

“You’re making me dizzy,” Suguru said with an amused look, glancing up from where he was working on a song arrangement as Shuichi paced in front of his synthesizer.

“Sorry,” Shuichi said, sitting on the couch in front of the television and flipping it to a music station. He fidgeted where he sat, tapping his foot, and drumming upon his knees with his hands. Feeling eyes upon him, he looked over and found Suguru watching him with a funny little smile, his chin resting on his hand, and glanced down self consciously.

“Sorry. I’m just restless, I guess,” Shuichi said with an embarrassed grin.

“You guess? You’re like a kid whose been told to sit still in the corner,” Suguru said, rolling his eyes. “I’d suggest you go for a walk and work off that energy, if I wasn’t afraid you’d get attacked outside.”

“I had just gotten to where I could go out like a normal person, too,” Shuichi said with a pout. “If I’m going to get harassed on the street again, I wish it were at least for something good I’d done.”

“Oh, I bet you miss dancing,” Suguru said. “Isn’t that what you usually like to do in the evenings?”

“Well, the alcohol and sex were part of it, too,” Shuichi said with a laugh, “but, yeah, I do enjoy being on the dance floor. It’s a good way to still feel connected to the music, you know? You just let it flow into you and make you move. It‘s a nice feeling.”

“You could dance now if you want. This is a pretty big room,” Suguru said with a shrug.

“Um, I’d feel kind of silly dancing alone in your living room, Suguru,” Shuichi said, one eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Suguru said with a laugh. 

Ashia slammed open the door and shut it quickly, giving Suguru a wary look, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Um, look, I kinda did something stupid, and you’re kinda going to be pissed, alright?” Ashia said with a weak smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Joshuya Eiji sat, quiet and starry eyed, at the edge of the leather armchair across from where Shuichi sat on the couch, and just stared. To say it unnerved Shuichi slightly would be an understatement. But still, considering the man’s obsession with him had been likened to that of Tatsuha’s with Ryuichi, he supposed it could be far worse. Joshuya’s quiet awe was far better than the aggressive approach that would be more characteristic of Yuki’s younger sibling, a man who had more or less tried to wrestle him into submission for merely resembling his celebrity crush the first time they‘d met.

“I thought I had a good hand,” Ashia said to Suguru, who was still giving him a death glare after being informed that Joshuya’s coming to dinner had been a stake in their card game at the recording studio. 

“I don’t see why you were playing poker while you were supposed to be working anyway,” Suguru said. “Sakano’s clearly not keeping a good enough eye on you guys.”

“They were laying down the drum track. What did you want me to do, hang around outside the building and talk to the press? They’ve been hounding NG ever since it leaked that Shuichi has been seen there. I‘ll bet they‘d love to know your new pet is living with us,” Ashia spat, plopping down on the couch with a sullen look at Shuichi, before flipping open the tabloid paper in his lap.

“Don’t you even dare think about it,” Suguru said through gritted teeth, then glanced at what Ashia was holding. “I can’t believe you’re reading that trash.”

“Oh, stop being such a nag. Don’t you have dinner to cook or something?” Ashia said, waving his hand dismissively. Joshuya started to laugh, then saw the murderous look Shuichi was giving Ashia and stifled it.

“He’s not a housewife, you asshole,” Shuichi said, as Suguru shook his head and walked away, muttering to himself.

“Says the guy who obviously doesn’t know how to please his man,” Ashia mumbled, gazing at the page before him, then raising an eyebrow. “Or wait a minute, maybe you do.” He gave a low whistle. “According to this guy, you’re one helluva ride.”

“Can I see that?” Joshuya asked, leaning forward, and knocking a glass of fruit juice on the end table over into Shuichi‘s lap.

“Damn it,” Shuichi sighed, standing up as Joshuya froze with humiliation, stuttering an apology, while Ashia howled with laughter.

“Smooth, Eiji, real smooth,” Ashia said, as Shuichi stepped around them and went to the bathroom. 

He dabbed at his jeans with a guest towel, looking up with mild alarm as Joshuya followed him inside.

“I -- I’m really sorry, Shindou-san,” Joshuya said, bowing. “I guess it’s pretty obvious that being around you makes me nervous.”

“It’s okay, Joshuya-san. You didn’t mean to,” Shuichi said. “There’s no reason to be nervous. I’m just a person, after all.

“Not to me you aren’t,” Joshuya said, standing straight and looking at him intensely. “You’re like a god or something to me. You’re so cute, and your music is incredible and I just like you so much. Meeting you -- this is like the highlight of my life or something.” Shuichi couldn’t help but smile at the man’s panicky gushing, knowing he’d felt that way to a degree the first time he’d met Ryuichi, and amazed that anyone could feel that way about him.

“Really, Joshuya-san, there’s no reason to get so worked up. I’m just a regular guy, honest,” Shuichi said.

“I never expected you to be so nice, too. I thought you’d be all stuck up, but you’re so sweet, and I just --” Joshuya wrung his hands before throwing himself forward and giving Shuichi a lightning quick peck on the lips.

Shuichi stared at him, stunned, as Joshuya backed away looking terrified and throwing up his hands.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t what come over me. Forgive me,” Joshuya rambled, backing towards the door, his face blood red.

“Uh --” Shuichi uttered, bewildered.

“I’ll just go in here now,” Joshuya said haltingly, turning to go. Just as Shuichi was starting to get his breath back, he turned back to him.

“And I’m sorry Ashia is being such a jerk to you. He‘s jealous,” Joshuya whispered hurriedly, before fleeing back to the living room.

Shuichi shook his head to clear it, before going to the guest room to change his jeans, locking the door securely behind him.

 

Dinner was tense affair, with Ashia and Suguru barely speaking, and Shuichi and Joshuya seeming almost equally intimidated by each other after the incident in the bathroom. Ashia got up about half way through the meal, walking towards the kitchen.

“Anyone want a beer?” he asked, leveling his eyes at Shuichi, who timidly looked at Suguru. “I didn’t ask him, I asked you. So what will it be?”

“No thanks,” Shuichi said, picking at his food.

“He’s got you whipped, and you’re not even the one fucking him. Go figure,” Ashia said with a snort, before going.

After dinner, Ashia retired to the living room, while Shuichi helped Suguru clear the plates and straighten up. Joshuya had volunteered his help, but after the first plate had fallen victim to his fit of nerves, he’d resigned himself to sitting in a chair he’d pulled halfway between the dining room and kitchen, unwilling to let Shuichi out of his sight for even a moment. He’d brought the tabloid paper from the living room, and glanced back and forth from the article to Shuichi with a look of longing. Shuichi felt like jerking it away from him and smacking him over the head with it until he left them alone.

Watching his friend’s downcast face as he rinsed the dishes, he felt like he had a million things to say to him, but he wasn’t sure what they were or how to say them. Though he’d put on such a great air of an upbeat attitude and composure, he sensed sadness from Suguru, and it made him feel helpless. He could barely help himself these days, after all, he thought wearily, remembering how he’d had to fight to refuse the drink Ashia had offered and how he still wanted it.

Of course he was unhappy, Shuichi reasoned. He and Ashia hadn’t exactly been getting along tonight, and it was his fault they were fighting. Shuichi looked at Suguru, trying to organize the words in his mind, before he was interrupted.

“You’re on television, kid,” Ashia called from the living room. Shuichi and Suguru shared curious glances before walking to the living room, followed closely by Joshuya.

There was a less than flattering picture of Shuichi behind the smiling host of a celebrity gossip show on the television.

“Here’s a picture of Shindou Shuichi, former pop sensation and currently infamous party boy, as he was spotted several nights ago outside a popular gay nightclub in Shinjuku Ni-Chome on the eve of his one night lover Bando Ken’s tell-all interview for Star Scene magazine.

Sources have said that he has since been seen in the company of his former Bad Luck bandmate and NG producer, Fujisaki Suguru, and is possibly in the process of making a comeback, providing vocals on the next single for Sister Moon’s upcoming new album. But is this all there is to Shuichi’s rekindled association with Fujisaki?

We have exclusive photos tonight that show that not only have the former Bad Luck bandmates gotten pretty chummy, but they’re living together!” The screen shifted from the cheerful host to a gallery of photos, including shots from earlier in the day of Suguru helping Shuichi carry his things from his apartment.

“Fujisaki currently resides with his live-in boyfriend Ashia Raiden, lead singer of the band Ganymede, who was seen returning to their apartment as usual just today. And in other --,” the host’s voice fell silent as Ashia muted the television.

“But how?” Shuichi asked, sitting on the couch. “I thought K took care of things?”

“Apparently, I wasn’t prepared. There must have been someone else following us from afar,” Suguru said, his brow furrowed. “This is all my fault.” 

“How is this your fault?” Shuichi cried. “I’m the one that they’ve been following around! And now I’ve dragged you into this mess.”

“All I want to know is,” Ashia said slowly, stroking his chin, “ Does having you both here make me look like a clueless asshole or a total stud?” Suguru gave him a withering look before pulling out his cell phone and walking into the next room.

“Maybe my staying here isn’t such a good idea,” Shuichi said softly, looking at the carpet.

“Well have fun fighting the press on your way out. I’m sure they’re all over our fucking doorstep now,” Ashia said disinterestedly, turning the TV volume back up.

“Yeah, I should just go,” Shuichi said to himself, standing and feeling a bit dazed.

“Y -- you can stay with me. That is if you’ve got no other place to --” Joshuya started hopefully. Shuichi silenced him with a long, thoughtful look.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” Shuichi said. He led Joshuya to the guest room, where he had yet to unpack his boxes, glad that Suguru was still occupied on the phone in his room and that he wouldn’t have to face him.


	6. Chapter 6

“Why does nothing I do ever turn out right?” Shuichi moaned, leaning against the side of the elevator as he and Eiji descended towards the lobby.

“That’s not true. Your music makes people really happy,” Eiji said. “Bad Luck is the reason I wanted to be in a band.” Shuichi gave him a wan smile, barely listening.

“Let’s go get good and drunk, okay?” Shuichi asked.

“Anything you want, Shindou-san,” Eiji said.

When they got to the lobby, they saw the very harried doorman, pulling the long, Venetian blinds at the front windows as flashbulbs popped outside.

“How are we going to get out of here?” Shuichi asked. The doorman turned to them and bowed.

“Good evening, Shindou-san,” the doorman said.

“Is there a back entrance somewhere?” Eiji asked. “I could probably get past those guys and bring my car around.”

“There’s a door to the alley that the trash service uses in the utility room, just through there,” the doorman said, pointing to the door to the stairwell.

“Great. Thanks a lot,” Shuichi said. They went through the stairwell, finding a dusty room full of cleaning supplies just beyond, and a door that came out next to the dumpster behind the building. Eiji sat the box he carried down, and turned to go.

“I’ll meet you around back in just a minute,” Eiji said excitedly, swooping in to give Shuichi a quick kiss on the cheek before he went.

“What the hell am I doing?” Shuichi asked himself, shaking his head as the man disappeared, staring mournfully out at the narrow alleyway through the open door.

“Hey there, Shuichi,” he heard a voice say, before Aki stepped out of the shadows. “That wasn’t very nice of you to sic your guard dog on me. I thought we had an understanding.”

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Shuichi growled, starting to slam the door shut, as Aki stepped forward quickly and blocked the way.

“You lost me my story, you little shit,” Aki spat. “I’ve been following your sorry little ass around for a year waiting for something good. I’m the only reason people still know you’re alive.”

“Please, just go away,” Shuichi pleaded.

“No. You owe me,” Aki said, pushing him roughly.

“Hey! He’s back here!” Shuichi heard a voice call at the other end of the alley, as he fought to regain his balance, feeling overcome with rage and frustration.

“I don’t owe you anything, you bastard!” Shuichi yelled, grabbing Aki by his shirt and shaking him. “Losers like you wouldn’t even have a job if you didn’t have people like me to exploit!”

“Whoa, check it out! Shindou’s lost it!” a reporter said, a flurry of flashbulbs going off in the dim alley.

“Go away,” Shuichi said feebly, letting go of Aki’s shirt and crumpling against the wall with his arms over his head.

Shuichi heard a car honking loudly from the other end of the alley, glancing up blindly in the flashbulb’s glare.

“Shit! Come on, let’s go!” Eiji called. Shuichi grabbed one of the boxes and ran towards the voice, blocking out the cacophony of questions behind him as he fled.

OoOoO

 

“Thank you, Eiji-san,” Shuichi said, after they’d driven for a while, finally shaking off the feelings of panic and anger.

“You said my name,” Eiji said, looking both surprised and pleased.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” Shuichi said. “Listen, I -- maybe you should take me to a hotel.”

“Sure, Shindou-san,” Eiji said, sounding clearly disappointed.

“You can still come up for a drink, I mean -- I just don’t want to cause anyone else any trouble,” Shuichi said. “You’ve been very nice to me.”

“I’d do anything for you, Shindou-san,” Eiji said, pulling into a liquor store. “Just wait right here.”

Eiji checked him in to the hotel under some American name that Shuichi couldn’t even remember, and escorted him to his room, a small dingy space with one bed and ugly wallpaper.

“I got us some soda from the vending machine in the lobby,” Eiji said, handing him a can from the large brown bag in his arms. “Do you like rum?”

“I like anything,” Shuichi said, sitting on the bed and pulling off his shoes. He looked at the box he’d placed on the floor and cursed.

“What’s wrong?” Eiji asked, placing the bag on the nightstand.

“I grabbed the wrong box. All my clothes are back at Suguru’s,” Shuichi said.

“It’s my fault. We were in such a hurry to get away from those guys that I guess I forgot about helping you with the boxes. They’re still in that room, right? I’ll go by and get them for you,” Eiji said.

“Don’t worry about that tonight,” Shuichi said and shrugged. He reached over and fished the bottle of rum from the bag, looking up at Eiji. “Keep me company?”

“Of course,” Eiji whispered, walking over to the sink and grabbing two wrapped plastic cups.

Shuichi’s phone rang, and he winced as he hit ignore on Suguru’s call, and turned the phone off. Suguru didn’t deserve that, he thought, but he had no idea what to say to him right now. He thought back to when, just an hour or so before, he’d actually had the audacity to think he could offer help of some kind to him, when in the long run he’d been nothing more than a burden. He was finding himself quite consistently incapable of helping anyone he cared about, it seemed.

Eiji fixed them each a drink and sat awkwardly on the bed beside Shuichi. Shuichi drew his feet off the floor and sat up against the headboard, noticing the way Eiji was trying not to make the way his eyes traveled up his legs obvious, and failing miserably. 

“Your real fans don’t care, you know,” Eiji said, looking away quickly and studying the carpet. “About all the bullshit the papers say. I mean, I -- they -- we worry about you. We want you to be healthy and happy and make more awesome music and everything, but we don’t think less of you or any of that crap.”

“Thank you,” Shuichi said, giving Eiji a warm smile as he glanced back at him. “Make me another drink?”

“Sure,” Eiji said, looking a little surprised that the cup was already empty, when he’d barely taken a sip of his own. “I used to play violin. Weird, huh? My friends were always giving me shit for it, saying I’d never impress girls that way. Guess the joke was on them since I didn’t like girls anyway.” Eiji laughed nervously, handing Shuichi his drink.

“Why’d you stop?” Shuichi asked, grateful to have his thoughts distracted. 

“Well, when I was about nineteen there was this awesome band called Bad Luck entering the charts,” Eiji said with a grin. “It was enough that I loved your music, but when I saw you guys live -- wow, talk about love at first sight. If I wasn’t sure I was gay before, I sure as hell knew the first time I laid eyes on you.

I wanted to be Hiro. I was so envious of him, getting to be near you, looking so cool and helping you make your music. I bought a guitar the next day, and never looked back.”

Shuichi frowned at the mention of his long absent best friend, polishing off his drink quickly, and leaning over to make another himself.

“I, um,” Eiji trailed off for a second, distracted as Shuichi’s side brushed against his back. “Raiden was already in a band, and he was kind of known around the neighborhood, and when he heard me play he suggested we start our own thing.”

“Do you think he cares about Suguru?” Shuichi asked suddenly at the mention of the singer, starting to feel buzzed.

“Well, I couldn’t say, really. To be honest, I never thought he was that into guys until Fujisaki. He always dated girls before. He told me once that I had good taste, and admitted that he thought you were really cute, but he also said that you were a good choice because you had money and I’d be set or something. Raiden has some pretty fucked up priorities sometimes,” Eiji said.

“I think he’s a jerk,” Shuichi said, frowning. “I mean, people always got the wrong impression of Yuki and I, so maybe I’m being hypocritical, I don’t know.”

“You and Yuki always seemed perfect to me,” Eiji said with a strange smile. “I felt really weird when he announced you were lovers. On the one hand, of course, I was jealous as hell, but then finding out you were gay, too, was pretty exciting. You opened doors for a lot of people who were ashamed to be themselves. You’ve changed my life a lot, you know?”

“That’s pretty cool,” Shuichi said. “I never thought of it that way. But to people on the inside, at least, well, let’s just say Yuki isn’t the easiest person in the world to understand. Everyone thinks he’s cold and tough as nails, but that’s just because he’s so good at hiding how fragile he really is.”

“You still love him a lot, don’t you?” Eiji asked.

“Yeah. I always will. He was my first love, so he’ll always own part of my heart,” Shuichi said with a sad smile. He felt tears prickling the back of his eyes and sighed. 

“So you and Hiro were never an item? Sounds like I was envious of him for nothing,” Eiji said with a laugh. Shuichi’s stomach clenched, the alcohol making the room spin. He felt hollow and desperate, and so very tired.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay? Just -- could you just make me feel good for a little while? Help me forget?” Shuichi asked with a pleading gaze.


	7. Chapter 7

Shuichi groggily turned his face to the side from where he’d had it buried in his pillow, wondering how he’d managed not to suffocate himself from sleeping that way. He started a bit, as he saw two blue eyes peering into his own from the other side of the bed.

“Hey there,” Shuichi said. “Whatcha doing?”

“Just wondering how I turned down the chance to make love to you,” Eiji said with a half hearted smile. “And trying not to hate myself for it.”

Shuichi looked away in embarrassment, stretching and yawning.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about the mess I dragged you into. I wouldn’t have held it against you or anything,” Shuichi said, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, but I’d have felt like a creep. You were pretty messed up, and I want you to know I’m better than the Bando Ken’s of the world. Hey, I never thought I’d ever get to meet you, much less hold you until you fell asleep,” Eiji said with a shrug. “Why don’t I go by Suguru’s and get your stuff, and then take you on a proper date to get breakfast?”

“Sure, that sounds nice,” Shuichi said, giving him a smile.

OoOoO

 

Shuichi sat on the bed in his boxers after a long shower, and eyed the remote in his hand, putting it down, and fixing himself a drink from what little remained of the rum, and an opened can of flat soda. He took a deep breath, and picked up the remote again, turning on the television.

He’d listened to the third recounting of how he’d gone out of control and attacked a photographer, watching with detached horror the video footage of him shaking Aki, when there was a knock on the door.

He flicked off the television, already going over in his mind how to tell Eiji that he wasn’t hungry and just wanted to be alone, when he opened the door to find Suguru.

“You’re not going to your first day of work dressed like that are you?” Suguru asked, wrinkling his nose. Shuichi stared at him in disbelief.

“What are you doing here?” Shuichi asked. Suguru rolled his eyes, stepping past him with the box of clothes he carried.

“Oh, please. Like I was going to trust you to get ready and come in on your own, when you can‘t even remember to take your clothes with you,” Suguru said, placing the box on the bed and picking up a pair of pink, faux snakeskin shorts and looking at them with a raised eyebrow before laying them aside.

“But what about me bringing the paparazzi to your freaking doorstep? Not to mention all the crap they’re saying!” Shuichi protested. “You don’t really want me around NG after all that do you?”

“Well, roughing up photographers and jumping into bed with Joshuya-san certainly took the focus off your shacking up and having some wild threesome with Raiden and I,” Suguru said with a snort, throwing another article of clothing aside. “Geez, Shuichi, don’t you have any clothes that don’t look like they belong to a hooker?”

“And here I was planning to let you know you could borrow anything you liked,” Shuichi said with a glare. “And I’m not sleeping with Eiji!”

“Well, we are the same size, if I ever to decide to go for shock value” Suguru said, his lips quirking up at the side as he held up a short jacket made of lime green faux fur. “So it’s Eiji now? And I didn’t say you were.”

“Well, I’m not,” Shuichi said feebly, as Suguru’s eyes met his. They stared at each other in silence for a moment, before Suguru looked away.

“Well, that’s good,” Suguru said. “Because his obsession with you is just creepy. Did you know he bought Hiro’s bike just because your ass has touched it?”

“Hiro sold his bike?” Shuichi asked. Suguru nodded, not looking up.

“Here we go,” Suguru said, pulling a mauve, satin button-up shirt from the pile. “I knew you had to have something vaguely presentable in here somewhere.”

“Um, where is Eiji anyway?” Shuichi asked, taking the shirt from him.

“Funny how when I mentioned something about XMR looking for a new breakthrough artist to him, he had something else very pressing to do today, and was more than happy to let me run his errand. I guess his devotion to you has its limits,” Suguru said with a grin. Shuichi felt a slight chill at seeing some of Tohma’s ruthless protectiveness shine through in his protégé, and was just glad that for once it was on his side instead of against him.

“Wow, you really don’t like him, do you?” Shuichi said with a nervous laugh. “He seems pretty nice to me. And wouldn’t he see that as a pretty empty threat anyway, since it would be sending Ashia away, too?”

“I don’t know how you can still be so trusting,” Suguru said, shaking his head. “And between you and me, I can pick up leeching parasites like Raiden anywhere.” Shuichi watched Suguru’s expression as he tried to cover the hurt in his eyes by returning to his hunt for pants to go with the shirt. He thought back to his conversation with Eiji the night before, realization dawning upon him.

“So, you know Ashia is using you,” Shuichi whispered, sitting on the bed, and forcing himself into Suguru’s line of vision. “Why would you put up with something like that?” Suguru looked up, giving him a bitter smile.

“Of course I know, Shuichi. I wasn’t exactly trained to be naïve with my pedigree. I don’t believe in all that ideal love stuff like you, I guess,” Suguru said with a shrug. “Not anymore, anyway. I just take what I can get, you know?”

“But that’s not right! You deserve better than that,” Shuichi said.

“He’s obnoxious, but the sex is great,” Suguru said and blushed, waving his hand dismissively. “Hey, I think these pants will work. Why don’t you go get ready?” Suguru handed him a pair of black leather jeans, and turned away.

OoOoO

 

NG was a scene of chaos to rival his own apartment when they arrived, though Suguru seemed completely unfazed.

“Oh, I fired your publicist by the way,” Suguru said, as he gunned the engine at the entrance to the parking garage, sending several journalists scrambling out of his way.

“I have a publicist?” Shuichi asked dazedly, his fingers digging into the leather upholstery of the car seat. 

“Don’t you remember? Anyway, you have a better one now, and K’s keeping a closer eye on things. Now it’s just up to you not to do anything else stupid, okay?” Suguru asked with a high wattage smile.

“Um, yeah, okay,” Shuichi said.

Shuichi followed Suguru on the same route to Sister Moon’s recording studio, still a little stunned by a chain of events that had led him from his plans to quietly drink the day away alone to this. Suguru must hold some hypnotic sway over him, he thought to himself, eying the little producer suspiciously.

“Yeah! You brought Shuichi!” Aika squealed as they entered the studio, lowering her feet from where they had been propped up on the mixing table. Kimi looked up from where she was strumming her guitar with surprise.

“That’s right. Don’t let him distract you though. He’s just my assistant,” Suguru said, winking at Shuichi.

“Now all we need is Hiro, and we’ll have a Bad Luck reunion in my own studio!” Aika cried, spinning in a circle with a dreamy expression.

“Don’t mind her,” Kimi said. “I think she’s had too much sugar today.”

“You’re so mean,” Aika said with a pout, sticking her tongue out at her.

“Are they always like this?” Shuichi asked in a whisper.

“Pretty much,” Suguru said. “There are aspirin and antacids in my briefcase.”

“Duly noted,” Shuichi said.

It turned into a pleasant afternoon after all, as Shuichi slowly overcame his initial feelings of self-pity and nostalgia, and let Suguru coax him into focusing on the music. Though he’d always been involved with the arrangements on Bad Luck’s music, he’d rarely paid much attention to the mixing process, allowing Sakano to work his magic over the array of sliding levers and lighted buttons. It was fascinating to learn their uses as Suguru patiently allowed him to fiddle with them on the playback.

Aika’s and Kimi’s enthusiasm was infectious, and he found their input imaginative. Kimi’s ear seemed especially well tuned, as she suggested an odd instrument here and there, which Suguru seemed delighted with and promised to find them a studio musician for.

“I think it’s time for a break,” Suguru said, pushing his chair back and stretching. 

“Do you want me to go get you some tea from the break room?” Shuichi asked. “After all, I am your assistant.”

“Well, since you volunteered,” Suguru answered with a grin.

“Me, too, Shu-chan, sweetie, and I want sugar!” Aika called as he went to the door.

“For the love of all things holy don’t give her any more sugar,” Kimi groaned.

Shuichi laughed as he walked out into the hallway, stopping dead upon seeing a familiar tall blond walking his way.

“Brat,” Yuki said in greeting, nodding his head.

“Yuki,” Shuichi said, nodding back.

Yuki kept walking, and Shuichi let loose of a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding in.


	8. Chapter 8

Shuichi brought back the tea to the studio, giving a forced smile as Suguru gave him a questioning look. He sat beside him and absently chewed on the end of the stick of strawberry Pocky in his mouth.

“So, Shuichi,” Aika said with a mischievous glint in her eyes, “Who are you really dating? Joshuya Eiji or Suguru here?”

Shuichi’s eyes rolled over to her wearily.

“I don’t think he’s in the mood, Aika,” Kimi said quietly. “Why don’t we go down to the lobby and annoy the new security guard you think is cute?”

“I guess,” Aika said sullenly, then brightened. “Oh, can we make faces at all those stupid photographers outside through the window?”

“Sure, honey,” Kimi said, shaking her head.

“Sorry if I said something wrong, Shu-chan,” Aika said as they walked out of the door.

“Yuki-san?” Suguru asked. Shuichi nodded.

“What did he say to you?”

“That’s just it. He didn’t say anything,” Shuichi said.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, he really doesn’t come to see Tohma all that often. I’m rather surprised he was even here today,” Suguru said. “Are you going to be all right?”

“Yeah, I just -- I didn’t expect it to be quite like that,” Shuichi said.

“Maybe he just has a lot on his mind,” Suguru said. “You know, this floor isn’t exactly on the way to Tohma’s office. Maybe he wanted to see you, but just didn’t know what to say.”

“It’s no big thing. I was prepared,” Shuichi said with a forced smile. “Hey, I was listening to one of the demos you had for Sand. Do you think we could use their bass player for the closing track? I think it would add a really cool sound.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea!” Suguru said excitedly, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as if he were imagining the sound in his mind. 

Shuichi watched his face, smiling to himself at his friend’s shared enthusiasm for the music. He felt the strangest urge pass through him, his fingers twitched, and words seemed to form in his mind like someone unseen were whispering in his ear. He shivered. It had been a long time since he’d felt that sensation.

“I’ll be right back,” Shuichi said, grabbing his messenger bag and running out of the studio, ignoring the confused look Suguru gave him.

OoOoO

 

It seemed to be a quiet understanding that neither of them even discussed when Suguru helped Shuichi repack the clothes strewn over the hotel bed and brought him back to his home. Ashia gave them a raised eyebrow as they entered, but said nothing.

“So, you liked Sand, huh?” Suguru asked as Shuichi gathered plates for the supper Suguru was preparing.

“Yeah, they’ve got a really neat style. Do you think Tohma’s going to sign them?” Shuichi asked. Suguru was silent for a moment.

“Can you keep a secret, Shuichi?” Suguru asked, glancing at the kitchen door.

“Sure, what is it?” Shuichi asked.

“Those demos aren’t for NG. They’re for my own project,” Suguru said with a smile. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about this for a while, and now is as good a time as any, I suppose.”

“You’re starting your own label?” Shuichi asked with disbelief, as Suguru placed a finger to his lips and winked.

“It’s nothing personal against Tohma or NG or anything. I just want to branch out on my own now that I have the money and reputation, you know? I want something smaller, where I can focus my energies on just a select roster of artists,” Suguru said.

“That’s really great, Suguru!” Shuichi said. “When do you plan on starting it?”

“The building is already finished. Sister Moon’s new album is going to be my last project with NG. Sand is going to be my first act for GL,” Suguru said.

“GL?” Shuichi asked. “What does it stand for?”

“Good Luck,” Suguru said with a grin. Shuichi laughed.

“Are you girls through socializing yet, or do I need to order pizza?” Ashia called through the door.

“Coming dear,” Suguru answered sarcastically. Shuichi frowned as Suguru dutifully prepared his lover a plate and brought it to him.

 

Dinner was pleasant enough, despite Ashia’s occasional jabs at his imagined rival for his meal ticket, Shuichi and Suguru excitedly discussing the possibilities of what they could accomplish in the studio with both Sand and Sister Moon. After their meal, Suguru and Shuichi sat at the grand piano, Suguru even coaxing the singer into doing a rendition of a few Bad Luck songs. Ashia rolled his eyes at them, before surprising them by joining in on a few traditional numbers.

After they’d turned in for the night, Shuichi carefully drew his notebook out of his bag, and laid across his bed to look at what he’d written. After crossing out and adding a few things, he restlessly wandered towards the kitchen to get a soda. On his way back to the guest room, he passed Suguru’s, where he heard the unmistakable moans and creaks of bedsprings. He felt both nauseated and strangely aroused as he went back to his room, laying the notebook aside and instead fishing out a full bottle of vodka he was thankful had remained undiscovered at the very bottom of his box of clothes.

OoOoO

 

“Brat.”

“Yuki.”

The exchange went exactly the same, for the third day in a row, almost becoming a comforting sort of ritual, as Shuichi stepped out to get everyone tea.

“Why has he been coming here every day, when he usually comes by once every couple of weeks at most, I wonder?” Suguru asked with a knowing smile.

The tabloid papers were still abuzz with Shuichi’s and Suguru’s lover’s spat that had thrown him into the arms of Joshuya Eiji, along with speculations that Shuichi was making music again, but without anything new to go on, the crowd outside Suguru’s and NG’s doors had slowly begun to thin.

“We’ve been working awfully hard,” Suguru announced while they made dinner that night. “Why don’t we give the girls a rest tomorrow?”

“But the album’s almost finished,” Shuichi said, leaving unspoken that a day away from the studio was a missed opportunity to see Yuki, if just for a moment.

“Well, we’re way ahead of schedule. Wouldn’t you like to have a day off?” Suguru asked. Shuichi shrugged.

“Yeah, I guess that would be all right,” Shuichi said.

“Good, because I have a couple of places I want to take you tomorrow,” Suguru said.

Another comforting ritual Shuichi had was quietly drinking himself to sleep alone in his room once Suguru and Ashia retired. It helped him face the long night and empty bed that awaited him, with Yuki still so fresh upon his mind, and the frightening sensation of being set adrift without Hiro in his life to ground him. 

He stumbled back from the bathroom, cursing as he stubbed his toe on a chair and hopped over to the bed. The door to his room opened a crack, letting in the light from the hallway.

“Shuichi, are you okay?” Suguru asked.

“Fine. Stubbed my toe, s’all,” Shuichi slurred, staring up at the ceiling and feeling dizzy. The door swung wider, throwing light across him as Suguru stepped inside.

“You’re drunk aren’t you?” Suguru asked. His voice did not sound accusing, just vaguely sad.

“Yep, pretty much,” Shuichi said with a joyless laugh. Suguru sighed, shutting the door behind him and walking over to sit on the bed.

“Want to tell me why you’re sitting in here in the dark getting wasted?” Suguru asked, timidly reaching over and smoothing the hair out of Shuichi’s eyes.

“My mom used to rub my head just like that when I was a kid. Feels nice,” Shuichi murmured. “Did you just ask me a question?”

“I asked why you were in here drinking,” Suguru repeated, sighing.

“Beats the alternative,” Shuichi said, awkwardly stumbling over the last word.

“You just need to refocus your energies. I thought being back in the studio would help,” Suguru said, then froze as Shuichi snuggled up against him.

“I miss having sex,” Shuichi murmured. “Gets so lonely.”

“Uh, I’d better go back to bed now,” Suguru said in a choked voice, sliding off the bed.

“Nobody wants me anymore,” Shuichi sniffed, turning away on his side.

“Goodnight, Shuichi,” Suguru said gently, crossing the room and going back into the hallway.

OoOoO

 

Shuichi woke to the sounds of raised voices from the front room. He stirred sleepily, trying to decide whether to go and investigate or put the pillow over his head and drift back into peaceful oblivion. He heard the front door slam and the voices fall silent, giving the ceiling a good hard stare before finally willing himself to move.

Suguru was crouched in the floor, sweeping up what looked to be the remains of the glass surface of one of the living room end tables.

“Be careful, there’s glass,” Suguru said, not looking up.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Shuichi said. “What happened?”

“Just Raiden being an ass,” Suguru said shrilly, his emotions getting the better of him for a moment. “I’m sorry if we woke you.”

“No, it’s okay,” Shuichi said, taking a step closer.

“Shuichi, the glass,” Suguru warned again. “I’ll be fine. Why don’t you just get a shower, and I’ll make us breakfast, all right?”

 

When Shuichi returned, all evidence of the incident had been swept away, Suguru giving him a bright smile as he placed a pitcher of orange juice on the table. The shower had seemed to clear his head, and his stomach growled appreciatively at the smell of food.

Memories of the night before had begun to slowly come back to him while he showered, and he felt awkward, not quite meeting Suguru’s eyes as he served him a plate.

“Suguru,” Shuichi began, “I -- about last night --”

“You were very drunk. And while I don’t hold you accountable for any actions you took while you were, I am kind of concerned that you were in the first place.

“So, everything’s cool? With us, I mean?” Shuichi asked.

“Of course,” Suguru said brightly. “We just need to get you into some sort of routine that doesn’t involve getting plastered and sleeping with the nearest warm body.”

“Hey!” Shuichi said indignantly, looking up.

“I’m just glad it was me and not someone who would take advantage of you,” Suguru said, touching his index finger on the tip of Shuichi’s nose scoldingly.

“What did you and Ashia-san fight about?” Shuichi asked quietly as their eyes met. Suguru flinched and looked away.

“It’s not important,” Suguru said, then nodded to Shuichi’s plate. “Eat up before it gets cold. Tohma taught me how to make those crepes. They’re awesome.”

Shuichi nodded, watching Suguru as he turned to get his own food ready, a slight stoop to his shoulders.


	9. Chapter 9

“Why are we in my old neighborhood?” Shuichi asked in confusion, frustrated that Suguru had refused to explain where they were headed. “Are you taking me to see my mom?”

“No, but I probably should. I’ll bet she’s worried sick over you,” Suguru murmured evasively.

“Doesn’t look like she’s home, anyway,” Shuichi said, craning his neck to look at his childhood home as they turned onto his street. Suguru passed it, slowing to a stop outside of another familiar home a few doors down.

“We’re going to see Hiro’s mom?” Shuichi asked in confusion, before looking out of the window and into the front yard.

Hiro was mowing the lawn, his hair pulled back into a ponytail, wiping his brow before looking at Suguru’s car with curiosity.

“Shuichi?” He saw Hiro mouth his name, before hurriedly turning off the mower and walking towards him.

“Hiro!” Shuichi called, running to meet him. They both stopped short as they reached one another, staring at each other cautiously, before Hiro broke into a warm grin and pulled him into a tight hug.

“It’s great to see you, bro,” Hiro said, sounding choked up. He released him, still holding him by the arms, and studying him. “You’re too skinny, Shu. Did you forget to eat without me around?”

“Probably,” Shuichi said, in no mood to argue. “What are you doing back in Tokyo?”

“Well, my mom’s been getting worse, and we didn’t know if she’d be able to make it out to Kyoto for the big day,” Hiro said with an enormous grin, nodding towards the front door. Shuichi turned around, his eyes growing wide as he took in a very pregnant Ayaka standing on the front stoop, giving him a little wave.

“You’re -- she’s --” Shuichi stammered.

“Any day now,” Hiro said, beaming with pride.

OoOoO

 

“I work in a pharmacy now,” Hiro explained as he served them tea in the front room, giving Ayaka a peck on the forehead as he passed her. “I’m still taking classes when I can, so I can get my degree.”

“That’s great,” Shuichi said, feeling oddly out of place, and saddened that he no longer seemed to quite fit into the life of his best friend.

“Yeah, it’s quiet, and probably seems pretty boring to you, I guess, but I’m good with it,” Hiro said, looking more or less content.

“Sometimes boring’s good, you know?” Shuichi said with a shrug.

“Sounds like your life’s been anything but lately,” Hiro said with a playfully accusing look. “I’m glad Suguru’s decided to help straighten you out. I’ve been worried about you.”

“I know, I know, I’m a mess,” Shuichi said with frown.

“He’s been an enormous help to me in the studio,” Suguru said.

“That’s good to hear,” Hiro said. “Are you working on anything of your own?”

“Not exactly,” Shuichi said with a shrug.

After a pleasant conversation full of reminiscing about the old days, they said their goodbyes, Hiro promising to call when his son was born. They drove in silence for a long while as they left the suburbs for the city. 

“Thanks for taking me to see him,” Shuichi said at last. “Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah, of course,” Suguru said, his smile just a little bit too bright. “He seems happy now, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Shuichi said, unsure of what else to say.

OoOoO

 

Suguru seemed to fidget a bit with excitement as they drove, tapping his fingers in time with the music on the steering wheel.

“Where are we going now?” Shuichi asked.

“You’ll see. We’re almost there,” Suguru said, speeding ahead of the cars in the next lane as the light turned green.

Soon, Suguru’s car slowed and pulled into a small parking lot outside of a modern styled two story building, it’s large front windows trimmed in black and chrome. The wide, red double doors of its entrance each held two oddly shaped windows near their center spelling out the letters “GL”.

“It’s your studio,” Shuichi said in awe. “This is really cool.”

“Wait to you see the inside,” Suguru said proudly, killing the engine, as he pulled up to the front walk, which was bordered by two tall topiary bushes in the shapes of music notes.

Suguru led him to the doors and unlocked them, switching on the lights from a little paneled door just inside. The bright track lights above lit up the lobby, with its checker board tile floor, black lacquered front desk, and cushy red armchairs. There was a strong smell of fresh paint, but everything seemed to be in place and ready for business. Shuichi spotted several framed Bad Luck records along the hallway that led beyond the room, and smiled.

“The best part’s the studios, of course,” Suguru said in response to Shuichi’s look of awe, leading him down the hall. There were four doors with recording lights above their frames, Suguru opening the first with a grand gesture, and a broad grin. Inside was a large studio every bit the match in size and technology of any at NG’s.

“You’ll love this part,” Suguru said with a laugh, taking him from the studio to the marked break room, which was lined with a variety of vending machines, comfortable couches, and a large screen television complete with games systems.

“Can I live here?” Shuichi asked, taking everything in.

“That’s kind of the idea,” Suguru said with a shrug.

“What do you mean?” Shuichi asked.

“Shuichi, how would you feel about signing with GL?” Suguru asked.

“I’m not so sure,” Shuichi said, frowning and sitting on one of the couches with a sigh.

“There’s no pressure,” Suguru said, holding up his hands. “It’s just something I’d like you to seriously consider, okay?” Shuichi nodded, his expression tense. 

“I want you to hear something. And before you get mad, I want you to just listen,” Suguru said, his shaking hand revealing briefly his nervousness, as he reached for the remote to the sound system in the cabinet beside the television and turned it on.

The first thing Shuichi wondered, strangely enough, was where in the world the busy producer had found the time to record something like this. His stomach twisted at the familiar tune that he had never heard anywhere outside of his own mind, as his imagination filled in the vocals of a set of lyrics that no longer meant anything to him other than self-mockery. But even as hard as he fought to be offended by their irony in light of present events, he could not deny that Suguru had done a spectacular job with the song.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re probably upset with me for going behind your back like this, but I couldn’t resist. It’s really a great song,” Suguru explained anxiously. 

“So all of this -- your being so nice to me all this time -- it was to sweeten a business arrangement, huh?” Shuichi said. Suguru gave him a stunned look, turning off the music and sitting across from him.

“Well, of course,” Suguru said. Shuichi flinched and looked at the floor.

“Let me explain, okay?” Suguru said, lowering his head in an effort to bring Shuichi’s eyes back up to his. “Of course that was why I initially contacted you. You’re a major talent, and I need a big name to start my label. I know how much potential you have, and there was no way I was going to let you waste it. But, you know what?”

“What?’ Shuichi whispered, looking up at him at last.

“I’ve -- I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you better, Shuichi. You’re my friend. My best friend, really,” Suguru said, looking a bit awkward and coloring slightly. “I guess I kind of understand now how having that kind of support and match for your enthusiasm in the studio could be so sorely missed. I can never replace Hiro, I know, but I’ll be in your corner when you want to try again.”

“Thank you, Suguru,” Shuichi said, overcome. “That was a really dumb thing to say after all that you’ve done for me. Thank you for believing in me, but I don’t know if I’m able to live up to it.”

“Oh, please,” Suguru said, rolling his eyes and giving him an affectionate smile. “You know why I risked your getting pissed by recording that song?” Shuichi shook his head.

“Because I didn’t want you to use the argument that you can’t write new songs anymore when I tell you what I’m planning,” Suguru said.

“What are you planning?” Shuichi asked.

“There’s an entire album’s worth of Shindou Shuichi compositions sitting on the shelf at NG right now that I’d very much like to make an offer on,” Suguru said. “That is, if you’ll agree to record them.”

“You’re kidding!” Shuichi said, shooting up from his seat in excitement, then sobering slightly. “Do you really think Tohma will go for that?”

“I do,” Suguru said with a knowing smile. “I have an enormous ace in the hole when it comes to dealing with Tohma that just happens to be very much on my side in this particular negotiation.”

“What’s that?” Shuichi asked.

“Yuki Eiri,” Suguru said.


	10. Chapter 10

“Yuki’s involved with this?” Shuichi asked. “But how, why?”

“Well, a few months ago he scared the hell out of me by actually speaking to me when I passed him in the hall at NG,” Suguru said with a laugh. “He asked if I ever talked to you anymore, and if I knew how you were doing. When I told him that even Hiro had lost touch with you, he seemed pretty upset.

And that’s what really got me thinking about you again, you know? I was setting GL up, and I thought about what a waste it had been to shelve our last album, so I dug it out of the archives and gave it another listen. It really is good, Shuichi, and if we work on it, it will be brilliant.

Anyway, so I brought this up with Yuki the next time I saw him, and told him about my plans, and that was that,” Suguru said. “We’ve been working on him ever since. I think he’ll cave any day now.”

Shuichi could not keep the goofy grin off of his face as they drove home. Yuki -- his Yuki -- had been thinking about him all along. He suddenly couldn’t wait to see him the next day, going over and over in his mind what he’d say. Suguru just smiled at him and shook his head, giving up on trying to make conversation with his clearly distracted friend.

OoOoO

“You back-stabbing little cocksucker,” Ashia spat at Suguru as they walked in the front door. Ashia stood in the middle of the living room with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder and a guitar case in his hand. Eiji stood beside him awkwardly, carrying a portable amp.

“After all the bullshit I’ve put up with from you, with your stupid little rules, and your dumb ass relatives. And this skanky piece of trash you’re fucking on the side,” Ashia said, glaring at Shuichi. “You never had any intention of transferring our contract over to your new label, did you? In fact, you used us as your fucking bargaining chip!”

“Leave Shuichi out of this, Raiden. You’ve got your things. Just go,” Suguru said icily, his fists clenching at his sides.

“Oh, but he has everything to do with it though, doesn’t he?” Ashia said, setting down his things, and pushing Suguru out of the way. “You’d do anything for your precious little Shuichi.”

Shuichi smelled breath that reeked of alcohol as Ashia leaned down, sticking his face into his. Shuichi gasped, as he grabbed a handful of hair at the back of his head and wrenched his face upward.

“I can’t believe you sold me out for this,” Ashia said with disgust. Eiji dropped the amp, and placed a hand on Ashia’s shoulder, pulling him back.

“That’s enough, Raiden,” Eiji growled. “Let go of him. Now.”

“Fine. You two want the little whore so bad, you can have him!” Ashia yelled, shoving Shuichi down on the floor.

“You bastard!” Suguru screamed, running over stand between them.

“Get out of here, now, Raiden,” Eiji said, jerking him around to face him. Ashia shouldered past him, grabbed his bag and guitar, and stomped to the door.

“Fuck all of you, then,” Ashia said, slamming the door behind him as he left.

“I’m sorry,” Eiji said, breathing deeply. “He said we were just going to get his stuff. I didn’t think he’d try to start something.”

“It’s not your fault,” Suguru said, helping Shuichi up.

“Are you okay?” Eiji asked.

Shuichi nodded, still stunned, and made his way over to the couch.

“Do you want me to stay the night in case he tries to come back?” Eiji asked. Suguru shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’ll call K,” Suguru said. Eiji nodded.

“Okay. You can call me if you need me for anything though, all right?” Eiji asked.

“Thank you, Joshuya-san. That’s very kind of you,” Suguru said.

“Good bye, Shuichi,” Eiji said gently, before leaving.

Shuichi watched Suguru call K and explain the situation without any trace of emotion, finding his composure almost irritating as he wondered how his friend managed to suppress it all without giving himself a migraine.

“Suguru,” Shuichi asked, when Suguru finished the call. “What did he mean when he said you’d used Ganymede as a bargaining chip?”

“Oh, that,” Suguru said with a shrug. “I told Tohma if he didn’t give me the rights to our last album that I’d take them with me to the new label.”

“But Suguru,” Shuichi said plaintively, “They’re on the top of the charts right now! And they clearly wanted to go with you! Why did you waste that chance on me when you didn’t even know if I’d be willing to sign?”

“Because I don’t want them,” Suguru said. “I want you. And of course you’re going to sign.”

“But he left because of me,” Shuichi said.

“Like I’ll miss him,” Suguru muttered. “Ashia wanted out because he and Tohma hate each other, not because he was loyal to me or anything. I’ve been meaning to get him out of my hair for ages now.”

“Okay, Suguru,” Shuichi said, wondering if Suguru were as unfazed as he pretended to be.

OoOoO

For all of Shuichi’s carefully planned words, that had kept him up for half the night, it had taken surprisingly few to convey his feelings.

“Brat,” Yuki said, nodding as he passed him.

“Yuki?” Shuichi said, his change in tone making the older man pause, and slowly turn around. “Don’t you have anything to say to me anymore?”

Before Shuichi could even breathe to get out another word, Yuki had closed the space between them, pressing him against the wall with a searing kiss that said everything he’d been longing to hear.

“Still love me?” Yuki asked, as he guided Shuichi back into an empty studio behind them.

“Yeah,” Shuichi gasped, searching his eyes. “Still need me?”

“Yeah,” Yuki said, before closing his lips over Shuichi’s again, and pulling him towards a leather loveseat against the wall in the dimly lit mixing booth.

“Hmm, I don’t want to move,” Shuichi murmured afterwards, lying naked on his stomach across the couch, while Yuki sat on the floor beside him, running his hand tenderly down his back.

“Then don’t,” Yuki said, kissing downwards along his spine.

“Suguru’s probably wondering where the heck his tea is by now,” Shuichi said with a giggle, that was cut short by a moan as Yuki playfully bit him.

“Fujisaki can get his own damned tea,” Yuki said, then raised up from where he’d been placing nips and kisses on every inch of skin he could reach. “So, about him --”

Shuichi looked back, shaking his head.

“We’re just friends,” Shuichi said. “You can’t believe everything you read.”

“Yeah, well you’re the one who said it was mostly true,” Yuki said.

“Does it bother you? Knowing I’ve been with other people?” Shuichi asked.

“It bothers me that they got so much better than they deserved, since they obviously weren‘t giving you anything you needed,” Yuki said with a shrug, not meeting his eyes. Shuichi sat up, sliding of the couch into  
Yuki’s lap and throwing his arms around him.

“I love you, Yuki,” Shuichi whispered. “Things are going to be better, aren’t they?”

“They damned well better,” Yuki muttered. “Tohma’s annoying as hell when he has something you want. You’re lucky you’ve got Fujisaki on your side. He’s gotten to be one vicious little bastard himself when it comes to driving a bargain,” Shuichi paled slightly, pulling back to look at Yuki.

“Um, you don’t think Seguchi’s going to break his fingers or something, do you?” Shuichi asked.

“Well, needless to say, he isn’t too thrilled, but I think he realizes he created a monster,” Yuki said. “In a way, I think he’s even proud of him.”

Shuichi gave a sigh of relief.

“Alright then,” Yuki said, standing up and dumping Shuichi unceremoniously onto the floor. “Since you had to go and kill the mood, put some fucking clothes on, moron.”

OoOoO

“So, I guess you’ll be moving back in with Yuki-san?” Suguru asked as they arrived back at his door.

“Looks that way,” Shuichi said happily. “He said he had something important he had to do tonight, but he’s supposed to come by tomorrow after we get through with work.”

“It’s going to be so quiet around here now,” Suguru said wistfully, as he opened the door to a conspicuously empty apartment. Suguru glanced around with a slight frown at the messy disarray that things had been left in. There were things missing, and not all of them were Ashia’s.

“So, he got his stuff while we were out?” Shuichi asked, as he followed Suguru into the kitchen. Suguru nodded, opening the refrigerator.

“Good riddance to bad trash, right? I‘ll call the locksmith tomorrow,” Suguru said with a bitter smile, holding up a bottle of champagne. “Want to help me celebrate?”

“Um, sure,” Shuichi said.

“There’s a lot to rejoice, actually,” Suguru said, taking the bottle over to the counter and fishing a corkscrew out of a drawer. “You’re getting back with Yuki, and I’ve gotten rid of Raiden.”  
Shuichi’s cell phone rang. There was a text message.

“Ayaka had the baby,” Shuichi said, numbly reading the message, where Hiro said they were both pretty exhausted and he’d call him to tell him about it tomorrow.

“Well, it just gets better and better then, doesn’t it?” Suguru asked, a note of shrillness bleeding into his voice.

“Suguru,” Shuichi murmured sadly, taking the bottle away from Suguru’s shaking hands before he dropped it and setting it on the counter. He placed his arms around him, patting him on the back. “You don’t have to hold everything in, okay? I’m here.”

Suguru shook with pitiful sounding sob, as Shuichi just held him and let him cry.

“So, Suguru, you know how you’re always telling me that drinking isn’t the best way to handle my problems?” Shuichi asked, when Suguru finally seemed too exhausted to cry anymore. He leaned back against the counter, sniffling, as Shuichi ran a paper towel under the tap and handed it to him.

“It’s non-alcoholic, silly. You didn‘t think I was going to encourage you to drink, did you?” Suguru asked with a weak laugh as he cleaned his face.

“Oh, because I was going to say you really deserved a drink this time,” Shuichi said.

“Oh,” Suguru said. Shuichi grinned mischievously.

“Hey, Suguru, you want to do something really stupid and cause a scandal? It’ll be fun,” Shuichi said. “I’ll even let you wear those snakeskin shorts of mine you’re so fond of.” Suguru snorted, his lips quirking up in a smile.

“You’re not honestly suggesting what I think you are, are you? And here I thought you’d come so far,” Suguru said, incredulously.

“I’ll just be your designated driver, thank you,” Shuichi said with mock offense.

“You can’t drive,” Suguru said. Shuichi rolled his eyes.

“Chaperone, then. Come on, Suguru, you need a night out,” Shuichi pleaded. Suguru looked torn for a long moment, then sighed.

“Oh, all right. But you’re not drinking, and you’re not letting me do anything too stupid,” Suguru said.

“Deal,” Shuichi said with a grin, grabbing Suguru by the sleeve and dragging him towards his room. “Though I could totally set you up with a few guys who’ll blow your mind,” Shuichi offered teasingly, waggling his eyebrows.

“No, thanks. I’d like my latest stint in the tabloids to be as dignified as possible,” Suguru muttered. “And I’m not wearing anything weird!”

“Okay, but you‘re totally not wearing that suit,” Shuichi said with a laugh.

“I’ll have you know this suit is very expensive, thank you,” Suguru said indignantly.

OoOoO

“I wrote a song for you,” Shuichi said quietly, both of them tired and happy as they sat in the back of the taxi on the way home. “It’s about that sort of glow you get when you‘re hearing the music in your head, and how I wish you could be that happy all the time.”

“Really?” Suguru asked, looking at him with a sleepy, drunken smile.

“Yeah,” Shuichi said. “I never finished it, but I figured out the last verse in my head while I was watching you dancing. You’re going to find that happiness one day and keep it, Suguru, I just know it.”

“I hope so,” Suguru said and yawned. “Thank you, Shuichi. I really did have fun.”

Shuichi hummed his song for him, eventually starting to sing. Suguru closed his eyes, a peaceful smile crossing his face as he listened.

“It’s going to be a great song,” Suguru said when he’d finished. “How about we put it on your new album?” Shuichi laughed.

“Even when you’re drunk you’re still negotiating,” Shuichi said. “And yeah, we’ll put it on the new album.” Suguru positively beamed.

“Thank goodness you finally agreed,” Suguru said. “It would have been a shame to have to kill you after all that trouble.”

OoOoO

“Shindou-san! Over here!” called one of many reporters who were camped outside of GL Records, snapping his picture as he smiled for them.

“Hey, Shindou-san! What do you have to say about Ashia Raiden’s account of your menage-a-trois love affair with him and Fujisaki Suguru in yesterday’s edition of Japan’s most famous gossip magazine?” asked another reporter. Shuichi stopped and turned to face him.

“Sure, I’ll make a statement about that,” Shuichi said with a look of nonchalance. “He wishes. Suguru’s my best friend, and I don‘t think any of you need to ask who my lover is.” A few people laughed, and there was a flurry of flashbulbs, as Shuichi turned to the man beside him and gave him a blatantly steamy kiss.

“Was that really necessary?” Yuki asked irritably, as they entered a blocked off area beneath a giant tent for the celebration to commemorate the official opening of GL.

“No, I just wanted to kiss you,” Shuichi said, grabbing his hand and pulling the reluctant writer further into the crowd. “And besides, you totally kissed me back, didn’t you?”

He spotted Suguru talking to Mika, Hiro and Ayaka, the two women cooing excitedly over an adorable baby boy who was wearing the fuzzy blue hoodie with bear ears Shuichi had bought for him.

“Shuichi!” Suguru called to him, waving them over. “We were just talking about you. Are you ready to put on a show?”

Shuichi would be giving his first live performance since the break up of Bad Luck for the opening party, singing his hit duet with Sister Moon.

“You bet,” Shuichi said, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt.

“Hello, Eiri,” Ayaka said with a smile, taking Hiro’s arm. “It’s been a long time. Would you like to hold little Masahiko?”

“Of course he would. Who wouldn’t want a chance to snuggle little Masa?“ Shuichi said, elbowing the scowling writer in the ribs, before scooping up the baby and placing it in Yuki’s arms. Yuki stood there woodenly, regarding the child as if it were from another planet as it smiled at him and gurgled.

“Isn’t that the just the cutest thing ever?” Mika said, clearly enjoying her brother’s discomfort. “Well, I’d better go find my husband.”

“Tohma’s here?” Shuichi asked Suguru as Hiro stepped in to Yuki’s rescue and reclaimed his child.

“Of course,” Suguru said. “Sister Moon is getting exposure here, so it will benefit NG, too. I honestly think my he’s a little excited at the idea of a little competition after being the biggest name in the industry all these years.”

“I’m just glad he’s taking it so well,” Shuichi said.

“Don’t worry. Tohma doesn’t eat his own,” Suguru said with a smile. “So, are you ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” Shuichi said uncertainly, looking over to Yuki, who gave him a nod of acknowledgement before Suguru led him away.

“So how are things with Yuki?” Suguru asked. “I sense a slight change in your dynamic.

“Yeah, well, we’re sort of getting used to each other again. It’s different this time, we’ve both changed, but I think it’s going to be even better for us in the long run,” Shuichi said.

“That’s wonderful. I’m glad to hear it,” Suguru said.

“I still can’t believe he agreed to do that audio book to sweeten things with Tohma for me,” Shuichi said dreamily. “I’m going to buy ten copies myself! Imagine, getting to hear that sexy voice any time I want even when he‘s not around.”

Joshuya Eiji approached them through the crowd, much to Shuichi’s surprise, looking positively blissful.

“Thank you so much for inviting me, Fujisaki-san,” Eiji said, bowing low before giving Shuichi a shy smile. “Hey there, Shindou-san.”

“You can call him Shuichi,” Suguru said, to Shuichi’s bewilderment. “After all, if you’re going to be playing with him in the studio, there’s no need to be so formal.”

“Thank you, Suguru!” Eiji said, looking like he might cry.

“I’m still Fujisaki-san,” Suguru corrected him, with a playful smile. “We’re in a hurry.”

“Of course, Fujisaki-san. It’s an honor to serve you,” Eiji said, bowing once more and awkwardly backing away into another guest and apologizing.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” Shuichi said as they walked into a side door of the building, where Shuichi’s dressing room had been set up.

“He’s growing on me,” Suguru said with a shrug. “Tohma wouldn’t let me have Sakano. And besides, we need a good guitarist to fill in for Hiro.”

Shuichi sat at his dressing table, noting the open tabloid paper laying upon it.

“So, um,” Shuichi began uneasily. “I guess you’ve heard about Ashia’s interview.” Suguru gave a derisive snort.

“What a loser,” Suguru said. “I don’t give a damn what he says, but he’s playing with fire if he wants to stay at NG and run his mouth. Did you see the other article about us?”

“No,” Shuichi said, looking to the page Suguru indicated and scanning over an article about how Suguru was hardly letting the newly single life get him down, featuring a shot of the two of them exiting a club and looking happy.

“I like this picture,” Shuichi said. “We should ask for a copy and frame it in the front hallway.”

They looked at one another and laughed, getting ready for the show to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you kind of want to see what it would be like had Shuichi and Suguru ended up together? Do you wonder if Hiro will ever return to making music, or if Shuichi will learn to break free of his bad habits? Well, you’re in luck! “Hidden Track” picks up right where “Tabloid Darling” ends.


End file.
